Something Is Going To Have To Give

At one end of the scale, of course, there are crocodile tears, hype beyond hype and more money can most people could ever realistically manage to be able to imagine. Manchester United returned to England today, curiously now being lauded as one of the greatest teams in the history of football on account of winning on penalties, having been outplayed for much of the match. Doubtless the roles would have been reversed and, had Chelsea won, we would now be hearing endless tributes to the stout yeomanry of John Terry and Frank Lampard, and about how Nicolas Anelka was the right man all along. Curiously, Anelka's shoulder-shrugging ambivalence to his penalty miss last night was one of the more refreshing things to happen yesterday evening. In an age in which PASSION and HEART and still held up to be adequate replacements for skill, mental strength and tactical nous, it was pleasing to see the one man currently involved in the whole Premier League merry-go-round shrugging his shoulders and giving that particularly Gallic face that says, "You know, we might have just lost the European Cup, but I'm still on £70,000 per week and sobbing would be somewhat disproportionate, don't you think?".

At the other end of the spectrum, the adulation being heaped upon Manchester United was out of proportion with the scale of their achievement. United are, as I've said on here before, probably the best team in Europe at the moment, but we are currently living through an era when there is something of a dearth of talent in European football. They, in many respects, deserved to lose last night, but the hubris surrounding them has long since disbarred anyone associated with them from having a worthwhile opinion on how they've done. Consider this gem from Alex Ferguson last night: ""We deserved it. With the history of this club we deserved to get this trophy tonight". It has long been a trick of Liverpool, Arsenal and Manchester United supporters to decry the achievements of anyone else on account of their having "no history", but this condescending attitude now seems to have filtered down to the management. It's not beyond the realms of plausibility to say, "Well, Alex, you didn't deserve to win it on the basis of your performance last night".

Elsewhere, the game keeps rumbling on. The Football League has its play-offs this weekend, and there'll be a full run down on here tomorrow about what will be going on this weekend. The end of the non-league season is in danger of collapsing into chaos. We've already lost Halifax Town, who will be starting again at the foot of the ladder after their expulsion from the Blue Square Premier (although there are two rival consortia currently bidding for the right to be the team for Halifax and play at The Shay next season), and Cambridge City's right to stay in the Blue Square South is still in some doubt after the club failed ground grading for their stadium (although the club has a pretty good reason for having been unable to carry out the required improvements - they were using their money at court, wresting back control of the ground itself from the property developers that it had, as a judge eventually ruled, been illegally sold to), but even more trouble appears to have come in the Blue Square North, with poor old Boston United (to whom, having been demoted two division last season, and are now looking at another potential two division demotion) you can only say, "haven't they suffered enough?" and Nuneaton Borough being threatened with the same sanction, having been forced into administration just before the end of the season.

There'll be more about the parlous state of the game in the lower divisions on here over the weekend.

The Champions League Final - Live!

Well, this is it. This is IMPORTANT. Everyone must pick a side. Blue or red. You must choose. It's the biggest match in world football since 1966. In about four and half hours time, we will know who is the biggest football club in the world. Over fifty years after the European Cup started as the impertinent challenge by a handful of continental clubs to the proud boast of Wolverhampton Wanderers to being the best club in the world, we have finally reached the conclusion of what has been a fifty-two year long quest to establish once and for all who is the biggest and best of all, and by about 10.30 tonight at the absolute latest, we will know for sure.

Actually, I'm starting to wonder who and where all these people that care so desperately actually are. They don't appear to be the supporters of either club, since tickets sales appear to have been sluggish. I know enough football supporters to be able to say with a degree of confidence that any club worth its salt would be able to shift 21,000 tickets for a match of major importance anywhere in the world. Even if they have, eventually, sold out, how come Manchester United, a club with an average home attendance of 76,000, had any difficulties whatsoever shifting its allocation, even if the match is being played in Moscow. They aren't the neutrals, who have been going about their ordinary business and might be slightly diverted this evening, though now more than when, say, England play in the World Cup finals.

The people that care the most about this are the media. England's failure to qualify for the final of the European Championships will be costing the British media millions of pounds this summer, and this match is a chance to recoup some of this money. For the last couple of weeks, they have been telling us in no uncertain terms that this is the most important match in the history of English football, and they have an agenda for doing so. Now that England aren't in it, Euro 2008 is about as important to them as the Johnstone's Paint Trophy. Never mind that tonight's match could only conceivably have any relevance to Manchester United and Chelsea supporters (and, pushing it as far as it could go, Liverpool, Arsenal, West Ham United and Manchester City supporters). This is THE BIG ONE and YOU MUST CARE. Except, of course, we don't, much. I mean, I'm looking forward to it. I always look forward to the European Cup final. I wouldn't be much of a football supporter if I didn't, would I?

19.25: Right, we're back back back! I've assembled a crack team of pundits, got a glass of delicious, cold, gin & tonic and got the teams to hand:

Manchester United: Van der Sar, Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Carrick, Hargreaves, Scholes, Ronaldo, Rooney, Tevez. Subs: Kuszczak, Anderson, Giggs, Nani, O'Shea, Fletcher, Silvestre.

Chelsea: Cech, Essien, Terry, Carvalho, A Cole, Makelele, Ballack, Lampard, Malouda, J Cole, Drogba. Subs: Cudicini, Shevchenko, Mikel, Kalou, Alex, Belletti, Anelka.

Here's some music, to get you in the mood - "Blue Is The Colour" and "United Calypso".

19.40: Here come the teams. Chelsea have eschewed their traditional white socks in favour of all blue, and United are wearing white socks. Petr Cech (who is reportedly of the opinion that if you dress brightly enough, strikers instinctively shoot straight at you) looks like he may have stopped off at Chernobyl on the way here this evening. Meanwhile, UEFA have released a large number of red and gold balloons. These colours just happen to be the corporate colours of Mastercard. What a coincidence!

19.45: "May the best team win", says ITV's Clive Tyldesley, as the teams kick off. Bollocks, Clive. Everyone knows that you support Manchester United.

19.50: Five minutes in and not a lot has happened, apart from the watching audience having been told about 11 times how important this all is. The pitch, by the way, looks in shocking condition. It looks like a patchwork quilt and was heavily watered yesterday, prior to torrential rain in Moscow this afternoon.

19.55: It's still pretty average stuff at the moment. A lot of passes going astray from both teams - possibly on account of the pitch, possibly because English teams seem to be genetically pre-disposed to play at 100 miles per hour.

20.00: First shot of Roman Abramovich of the evening. I don't want to sound rude or anything, but doesn't he look a bit, well, simple to you?

20.05: No word yet from ITV on the fact that we have been playing for 20 minutes without either team having managed a shot on goal yet. United are the better of the two teams at the moment, by the way, but that's not saying a great deal. First yellow card of the evening to Paul Scholes. Quite a nasty cut to the face, too, by the looks of it.

20.11: GOAL! Chelsea 0-1 Manchester United - Terrible, woeful marking from Chelsea. A cross from the right and Cristiano Ronaldo, who is about half a mile away from his marker, Michael Essien, heads into the corner of the net. Petr Cech, presumably assuming that Ronaldo has no choice but to head the ball straight at him, doesn't bother diving for it.

20.15: Essien is being pulled all over the place by Ronaldo now. When did Cristiano Ronaldo become any good in the air? Didier Drogba's down injured now. The poor love.

20.20: Great chance for Chelsea - Drogba heads back across goal from a good deep cross by Lampard and Ferdinand, under pressure from Ballack, forces a good save from Van Der Saar. The ball goes straight up the other end, and Cech pulls off an outstanding double save from Carlos Tevez and Michael Carrick. It's starting to warm up now.

20.25: Pause for thought - there are ten English players out on the pitch tonight. This is more than I would have expected.

20.29: Rooney crosses low from the left and Tevez puts the ball well wide - he didn't really make much contact with the ball at all. A real chance to kill the game off there. The ball is straight up the other end, and Chelsea get a free kick on the edge of the penalty area. Rio Ferdinand picks up a yellow card. Ballack's shot sails a foot or two over.

20.30: GOAL! Chelsea 1-1 Manchester United - Two deflections and - all importantly - a horrendous slip from Edwin Van Der Saar, and Frank Lampard can't believe his luck, putting the ball into an empty net to level things up for Chelsea.

20.33: Half Time - Chelsea 1-1 Manchester United: I still suspect that United will win this. Defensively, the placing of Cristiano Ronaldo is pulling Michael Essien all over the place, and the gaps that he is creating are making plenty of space for Carlos Tevez. United had the chances to kill the game stone dead, but Chelsea had a bit of luck for the equalizer having not played particularly well. 1-1 is harsh on United, but there is all to play for. Back in fifteen.

20.49: The second half has started, and I made the mistake of not switching the sound off at half time. Perhaps surprisingly, ITV didn't tell me anything that I couldn't have been told by an orang utan with an eye patch and an Etch-a-Sketch. Alex Ferguson chases the referee out onto the pitch, complaining about, well, something.

20.55: Joe Cole is exceptionally angry at not having been a corner and runs twenty yards to tell the referee exactly why he's so wrong. Lucky to escape a card, there.

21.00: Good chance for Michael Essien on the break, there, demonstrating the danger that he can cause if he breaks forward but, in loads of space on the edge of the penalty area, he shoots well over when he should really have done better. Midnight ticks over in Moscow.

21.05: Fifteen minutes into the second half, and Chelsea have been the better team since the break. The constant criticism of Avram Grant is something that I find somewhat baffling. I don't know what he said at half-time, but it has made a hell of a difference.

21.10: It's still all Chelsea. It looks as if they're playing a bolder formation in the second half, with Essien pushing forward more, and creating more space in attacking positions. On balance, Chelsea deserve the lead at the moment, which probably means that United will score next.

21.15: The players are starting to suffer, as the end of the season kicks in. Makelele and Ferdinand both needed treatment, there, but they both seem to be okay now.

21.20: Into the last fifteen minutes, and... was that a penalty? Drogba's header down looks like it might put Malouda in but the ball bounces wide as Malouda goes down under a challenge from Ferdinand. Nothing given, but I've seen them given for less.

21.22: Best chance of the second half for Chelsea - Didier Drogba curls a shot in from the edge of the penalty area and hits the outside of the post. There's quite a lot of petulance and borderline simulation going on at the moment, too.

21.25: Seventeen shots on goal to Chelsea and eight to Manchester United at the moment, and United have done not much more than nothing in the second half. As things stand, it's Chelsea's to lose.

21.30: Less than five minutes to play, and Drogba shoots just wide for Chelsea. Ryan Giggs comes on as a substitute for his 9362th appearance, overtaking Bobby Charlton as their record appearance holder.

21.35: We are headed, surprise ending notwithstanding, for extra time. Manchester United haven't been in this second half, but they're still hanging on at 1-1. Two minutes of added time at the end of the match.

FULL TIME: Chelsea 1-1 Manchester United - A slightly disappointing second half, I have to say, after the excitement of the first half. United were second best in that half, but they're still in it and the substitution of Scholes for Giggs might have made their midfield a little better balanced. I'm predicting Manchester United to win, but only because, well, that's what United do, isn't it?

21.42: No changes for the start of extra-time. Half a chance for United a minute into extra time, with Rooney just seeming to over-hit a poke through for Tevez and Cech collects. Substitute for Chelsea - Malouda off for Kalou.

21.44: For the second time, the ball is back off the United woodwork. Lampard shoots languidly from the edge of the area, Van Der Saar is again static and the ball comes back off the bar. Trust me - United are going to win this.

21.50: A good surging run from Essien (who has been the best player on the pitch since half-time), but the ball is nicked off his toe at the last. Nicolas Anelka is on for Joe Cole, for Chelsea.

21.51: Best chance since the second goal - Evra runs through and pulls the ball back for Ryan Giggs, but his shot is miraculously headed off the line by John Terry.

21.55: Almost half-time now. and the cracks are beginning to show. Both teams are starting to give the ball away rather a lot, and one suspects that either a moment of genius or a defensive disaster will win (or lose) the match.

22.00: Half Time In Extra Time - Chelsea 1-1 Manchester United. Not a lot more to say, as they're going straight back out. I still think that United are more likely to score than Chelsea, but hasn't that been the case all season?

22.05: Apart from possibly - just possibly - going bald, Ryan Giggs doesn't look much different to how he did when he was eighteen or so. The commentators are all queuing up to praise him for his loyalty too, by the way. I'd suggest that it's easier to be "loyal" when your team is in the Champions League every year and winning the Premier League every other year. Yellow card for Vidic for a foul on Anelka.

22.10: Six minutes to go until penalties, and it all goes off. Carvalho shoves Tevez and/or vice versa and suddenly everyone is involved. A red card for Drogba, and a yellow card for Ferdinand and Tevez. Stupid, petulant behaviour, and he might have cost them very dear here. Two minutes later, and they're having difficulties getting him off the pitch.

22.12: Yellow card for Essien now, and every time the players go anywhere near each other, they're taking kicks at each other.

22.15: Another two minutes of stoppage time in the second period of extra time, thanks in no small part to the brief slapping competition that took place. Looks like penalties from here now, though.

22.19: Penalties, then. Unlucky, Chelsea, I rather think. They hit the post and the bar and bossed the second half and extra-time until the cramp started to kick in, and Drogba's sending off might prove to be very expensive. Back soon for penalties.

Penalties: Right then, five penalties each. The pressure's on. Manchester United to go first.

Tevez scores - Cech sent the wrong way. 1-0.
Ballack scores - Close but no cigar, for Van Der Saar. 1-1.
Carrick scores - 2-1. I'm pretty certain that Clive Tyldesley has an erection.
Belletti scores - Van Der Saar the wrong way. 2-2.
Ronaldo MISSES - Take that, you bloody little cheat. He stopped his run up completely half way through, and Cech saves the penalty comfortably. 2-2.
Lampard scores - But only just. Van Der Saar gets one hand on the ball. 2-3.
Hargreaves scores - A perfect penalty into the top corner. 3-3.
Ashley Cole scores - Nani must score now. 3-4.
Nani scores - Cech gets a hand on the ball. Terry now to win it. 4-4.
Terry MISSES - Slips and the shot hits the outside of the post. Still 4-4, then.
Anderson Scores - Straight down the middle. 5-4.
Kalou scores - Van Der Saar sent the wrong way. 5-5. Giggs next.
Giggs scores - Easy. 6-5.
Anelka MISSES - Saved by Van Der Saar - 6-5 Final.

And Manchester United are the European champions for the first time since 1999. Scarcely deserved, I would say. Chelsea were the better team over the 120 minutes, and it is worth pointing out that, for the criticism that he has endured and all the rumours of discord within the club, Avram Grant has achieved something spectacular in taking Chelsea to being in contention for the Premier League title and to within literally one kick of becoming the European champions. If Grant gets the sack this summer, then we'll have seen the acid test for whether Chelsea Football Club is sick or not. Manchester United, however, are deserved winners - although they are the best of a bunch that perhaps isn't quite as strong as it has been in recent years. Whether they'll have it as easy again next year is very much open to question. Still, next on the menu are the Football League play-offs and the European Championships. IT WILL NEVER BE FINALLY DECIDED WHO HAS WON THE FOOTBALL.

You're Not Trying Hard Enough, Europe.

Let joy be unconfined. It's Manchester United against Chelsea in the European Cup final. Actually, I'm going to try to not be too down-hearted about it all. If you strip away all the hype from them (and suspend your loathing of the current owners), the fact of the matter is that there are few teams in the world that are better to watch at the moment. It would have preferable for them to have been playing Liverpool or Arsenal (both of those fixtures still have the veneer of the genuine edge of rivalry, as opposed to Sky-created, testosterone-soaked nonsense that seems to surround Manchester United vs Chelsea), but I'm starting to come around to the idea that it might not actually be that bad.

In order to sustain this feeling, it might be necessary for me to not open a newspaper, switch on the radio or television, or overhear what other people say while I'm waiting for the bus to work in the morning. The biggest problem for me in upholding all of this happiness is going to be the hubris surrounding the match. We can expect many more statements in the style of the BBC's Jonathan Pearce, who ridiculously tried to claim that over 1bn people were watching the Premier League between the two sides last weekend. The Independent yesterday argued that this is the "most important match ever played between two English sides" (which is true in one respect but misses the altogether more fundamental point that only supporters of Manchester United and Chelsea really care about what happens), and this is the tip of the iceberg.

You see, this is what newspapers want and need. An FA Cup final between Cardiff City and Portsmouth confuses and angers them. Where's Avram Grant, with his strange, toad-like face? Where's Alex Ferguson, shouting and pointing while his nose turns purple? Who are these players? I've never heard of half of them! The end of the Premier League season and the European Cup final returns them to altogether safer terrain, where the cliches fall like rain from the skies above, and they can put inconveniences like research to the back burner and concentrate on the important issues, such as do Didier Drogba and Michael Ballack really hate each other and, hoo, that Cristiano Ronaldo, eh? Who's going to stop him, hmm?

So, the best way around all of this is going to be to avoid the media at all costs, though there's a good chance that I won't be mentioning it too much on here. Oh, and if you are watching it on ITV, you might want to keep the sound switched off during the match. Play one of those CDs of whale noises instead. If you can get through all the hype, there might just be a decent football match going on.

So... That's It Then, Is It?

You all know my position on the hype that surrounds the Champions League. The fact that such a kerfuffle continues to surround a competition that is so lopsided amuses and befuddles me in roughly equal measures. The advantage of not supporting a team that a team to whom it matters is that I can kick back, relax, and watch what it going on with none of the stomach knotting tension that I can only presume others feel while these games are being played. Considering the acres of space that this week's semi-finals took up in the press, one might have been forgiven for expecting something very, very special indeed this weekend. Indeed, considering the extent to which we have it rammed down our throats, I think that we have the right to expect it to be brilliant. Between us, through our TV subscriptions, ticket and merchandise purchases, we're paying through the nose for this. There can be no room for mediocrity any more. The truth, however, is somewhat less comfortable than this, because it doesn't fit into something that PR men, advertising gurus or management accountants can control. Football as entertainment relies principally on the drama of the live experience, but sometimes it simply fails to deliver in this respect. If you go to a football match expecting to entertained in the conventional sense, you are likely to come away from it disappointed.

So, to this week's Champions League matches. Liverpool and Chelsea were never going to play out a seven goal thriller, no matter how ITV tried to package. Anyone with an ounce of nous about them already knew this, and the two teams involved certainly lived down to expectations. The highlight of the evening was, of course, John Arne Riise's hilarious last minute own goal (though surely I can't have been the only person that briefly pondered the recently bankrupted Riise's inexplicable attempt to head the ball clear right in front of his own goal when it was surely more natural to clear it with his right foot), but otherwise it was business as usual - two big, muscular teams, playing a testosterone-drenched, style-free version of football that largely resembled a cross between table football and pinball. The second leg is impossible to predict and utterly predictable at the same time - we know that it will be more of the same, but we don't know which of the two of them will waggle their flippers at the right time and deliver the killer blow. Barcelona's match against Manchester United was a nominally more considered affair, yet it was little more entertaining (excepting, of course, Cristiano Ronaldo's face after he hit the crossbar with this third minute penalty). Barcelona looked the better of the two teams, but never seriously looked like breaking down Manchester United's defence. The tactical systems employed by the two teams demonstrated the gulf between the realpolitik of football and the aspirations towards entertainment that the game now holds. United were playing for a draw, fully aware of the importance of not conceding a goal which might make the clock start ticking that bit faster in the second leg at Old Trafford. Barcelona were fully aware of United's potentially punishing ability to break at the speed of lightning, and were quite happy to not take too many risks themselves. It made for a match that was, if we're feeling generous, "interesting" in the sense that a game of chess can be interesting, but it wasn't terribly entertaining.

Next week, they'll go through the whole thing again, and it does at least to be a little more dramatic than the last couple of matches have been. Liverpool, who haven't so much as scored at Stamford Bridge since the Bronze Age, have to score to stand any chance of getting through to the final. Can Chelsea risk trying to kill the game off if it will leave big gaps at the back for the likes of Fernando Torres to exploit? Manchester United need a goal to see off Barcelona, but the visitors' attacking options again mean that United surely can't afford to push too many people forward, especially when an away goal might prove to completely be their undoing. As often seems to be the case, the first leg of this round has raised more questions than it answered, but while there's no doubt that it was all very intriguing, to call it "entertainment" would be stretching the definition of the word into realms of which I was previously unaware.

The Cure To All Woes

After the excitement comes the inquest, and the subject that has been one of the most hotly debated over the last couple of days has been this: what to do about Arsenal? Their defeat at Liverpool coupled with their less than shining form over the last couple of months or so has provoked furious brow-furrowing in the press. The fourth estate has, of course, been salivating over Arsene Wenger's every move this season, and losing to Liverpool wasn't in their script. Having seen off Internazionale without seeming to break into too much of a sweat in the last sixteen of the European Cup, they were expected to march on to Moscow without too much difficulty. The events of the last ten minutes of the match at Anfield on Tuesday night were something that no-one was expecting.

The one word that has come up again and again is "investment". You have to speculate to accumulate, and so on. The spectre of Alisher Usmanov has even started to creep back into some people's lexicons - a man of considerable wealth (no matter how dubiously gained), who might just throw money into the club in the hope of finally bringing the European Cup to Islington. It is reasonably symptomatic of the current woes of English football that people think that being knocked out of the European Cup in the quarter-finals is something bordering on a crisis that can only be cured by throwing money at it. Arsenal, let's face it, were five minutes from a place in the semi-finals on Tuesday night, before a clumsy challenge handed the initiative back to Liverpool. To suggest (as I have seen twice in the last couple of days) that Arsenal aren't capable of "challenging" for honours is clearly, plainly nonsense. Consider this, though - it's the final sentence of an article in this morning's Independent about Arsenal: "They are not yet good enough to win a major trophy". This is an viewpoint that is at odds with everything that you can see in front of you. Arsenal are currently involved in a bitter three-horse race to win the Premier League, and were five minutes from a place in the European Cup semi-finals. To suggest that they are "not good enough" is ridiculous. To say that it would be desirable for them to try and solve all their woes with a policy of spend, spend, spend is simply reckless.

So, to any Arsenal supporters reading this and are still in the slough of despond after Tuesday night's late, late show from Liverpool, I would say the following. Firstly, consider what has happened to your club over the last twelve years or so. You've won the double. You became the first team since Preston North End in 1888 to go a whole season unbeaten in the league. You got to the European Cup final. Your club build you a magnificent 60,000 capacity stadium for a fraction of the cost that Wembley was built for or the cost that is projected for the new Liverpool stadium. Your club has a manageable debt, to the extent that it is perfectly plausible to argue that all you have to do is wait, because in ten years you might just be the only English candidates still standing. Everyone (even, grudgingly, your enemies) purrs when your team plays. You are probably the luckiest supporters in England. All you have to do is be patient, and it will come. It might be next year, or it might take five years, but it will come.

Liverpool vs Arsenal

This is serious. This is BIG. A clash of the titans. The greatest show on earth. Star wars. The Battle Of Britain. The Day Of The Triffids. It's the quarter finals of the European Cup, and it's all back to Anfield after last week's underwhelming draw between Liverpool and Arsenal. The two sides, of course, also played out a 1-1 draw on Saturday (though Arsenal deserved to win that one), but tonight is different. It's winner takes all. The final countdown. And so on. actually, these all-English European Cup matches are considerably less exciting than they used to be, in no small part because they seem to come around every year now, and because it's always the same four teams involved. I'm taking a guess that Manchester United supporters will be rooting for Arsenal tonight, while Chelsea supporters (and this is presuming that they're not preoccupied with their own team's needlessly tricky home match against Fenerbahce this evening) will presumably be supporting Liverpool. Me? I couldn't care less, really. The winners will be playing Chelsea in the semi-finals, so the neutral should probably be getting behind Arsenal, if for no other reason than at least it gives the semi-final a tenth of a chance of not being a complete and utter shitfest in the semi-final should Chelsea do what they should do this evening and see off their Turkish opposition. The teams line up as follows:

Liverpool: Reina, Carragher Skrtel, Hyypia, Aurelio, Gerrard, Alonso, Mascherano, Torres, Kuyt, Crouch.

Arsenal: Almunia, Toure, Gallas, Senderos, Clichy, Eboue, Flamini, Fabregas, Diaby, Hleb, Adebayor.

Back soon for at least ninety minutes of high-octane football excitement!

19.45: Kick-off. Liverpool in red, and Arsenal in their change kit of white and that colour that isn't quite red but isn't really burgundy either. Arsenal are attacking the Kop end in the first half. Not literally "attacking", obviously. Eleven men against 15,000? That would be madness.

19.48: "It's no night for neutrals", says Clive Tyldesley. Oh, is it, Clive? Perhaps the millions of us watching that don't support Liverpool or Arsenal should switch over and watch "Location Location Location" instead. Idiot.

19.52: "Peter Crouch scored a wonderful hat-trick for Liverpool against Arsenal last year". If Peter Crouch scores a hat-trick tonight, I'll kill a seagull with my bare hands and eat it.

19.56: Emmanuel Adebayor has been caught offside twice already. I can't but think that he is going to score tonight. Meanwhile, Chelsea have, with depressing predictability. scored against Fenerbahce at Stamford Bridge. They're ahead on away goals now.

19.58: GOAL - Liverpool 0-1 Arsenal: Well, that was predictable enough. Diaby exposes Reina's near post frailty with a powerful shot that looked, at first glance, as if it might even have passed in through the side netting. It didn't, though. Poor goalkeeping, and Liverpool's away goal has gone *poof*.

20.02: Yellow card for Senderos. More for a procession of itchy, annoying fouls than for anything else. Eboue's deflected shot is saved comfortably by Reina, but Arsenal look comfortably better than Liverpool in every department at the moment.

20.06: Diaby's cross is scrambled clear by Reina with Adebayor leaping for the ball like a ballerina who has forgotten 90% of everything she learnt whilst with the Bolshoi. Again, there's space down that left-hand side for Arsenal - every time they go forward, they're cutting through Liverpool like a hot knife through butter.

20.11: Kuyt lunges for the ball with Diaby and goes down like a sack of potatoes, and momentarily looks like the greatest injustice in the history of mankind has been perpetrated against him. The replay, of course, confirms that Diaby played the ball.

20.16: GOAL - Liverpool 1-1 Arsenal: Possibly the least deserved goal I've ever seen. Gerrard crosses deeply from a corner, Senderos gets distracted (presumably by something shiny) and Sammi Hyypia heads in from about twelve yards out.

20.21: Arsenal have wobbled slightly since the goal. They're looking a little bit more panicky, as one might expect from the team that hasn't been playing especially well recently. Fortunately for them, though, Liverpool still seem likely to lose the ball every single time they get possession of it.

20.25: A couple of scores from elsewhere. As you may already know, Stoke lost their crucial game against Crystal Palace last night. West Bromwich Albion, however, are a goal down at Blackpool. It's as if they've all had a look at Derby County this season and decided that they don't actually want promotion. Meanwhile, if Torquay lose at home to Oxford and Aldershot win at Ebbsfleet, Aldershot will be promoted into the Football League, but both sides are losing 1-0 at the moment.

20.32: I don't want to say this too loudly, but... I think that Jim Beglin might have an erection.

20.33: Half-Time - Liverpool 1-1 Arsenal: Well, Arsenal had the right idea for the first twenty-five minutes, but went completely off the boil after Hyypia's equaliser, and Liverpool have dominated things since then. Liverpool's limitations are pretty obvious - Alonso seems to be in rehearsal for a part in a new TV series called "The Life Of Bollards", and Steven Gerrard's apparent impulse to shoot every time he gets the ball within thirty yards of goal lends a panicked air to their attacking. Still, they'll go in with their heads up - impossible to say how this one will unfold in the second half.

20.49: The second half started without me even really noticing. Some neat control from Crouch, but then a tame shot which is comfortably gathered by Almunia. Jim Beglin seems to have calmed down a little, thankfully.

20.55: "George Gillett and Tom Hicks are not here this evening", opines Tyldesley. Cue a picture of... George Gillett sitting in the stand. The ball is thrashed into the Arsenal penalty area and bounces wide off the side of Peter Crouch's shin, and he isn't offside. That's England quality finishing, there.

21.05: A neat bit of trickery from Eboue to turn past Hyypia, but he shoots into the side netting. This match has gone off the boil since half time, in case you were wondering.

21.08: As if by magic, Sheffield United have pulled a goal back against Sheffield Wednesday. If Wednesday piss that two goal lead away, they deserve to go down. Meanwhile, Portsmouth have gone 1-0 up at West Ham in tonight's sole Premier League match.

21.12: GOAL - Liverpool 2-1 Arsenal: Fernando Torres has done the sum total of bugger-all this evening. Then, suddenly, he gets the ball in the left hand corner of the penalty area and absolutely belts the ball into the top corner. Liverpool are going to get into the semi-finals of the European Cup again, aren't they? No chance of extra-time or penalties now, either, by the way.

21.15: A long ball through and Adebayor finally springs the offside trap. He seems to get stuck in two minds between whether to shoot first time or try and bring the ball under control, and ends up doing six of one and half a dozen of the other, and the ball dribbles harmlessly wide. Walcott on for Diaby too, by the way.

21.18: A very important goal in the Conference, where Aldershot have gone 2-1 up at Ebbsfleet. With Torquay still drawing at Oxford, Aldershot will be promoted back into the Football League as Conference champions if things stay as they are.

21.25: GOAL - Liverpool 2-2 Arsenal: It had been looking as if Arsenal had completely run out of steam, but then Theo Walcott carries the ball three-quarters the length of the pitch and tees up Adebayor to score.

21.27: GOAL - Liverpool 3-2 Arsenal: Amazing stuff! Liverpool carry the ball straight up towards the Kop and win a penalty. Steven Gerrard puts the ball into the top corner from the penalty and Liverpool are back in front with five minutes to play.

21.33: As the clock ticks over 90 minutes, there are a lot of shots of Arsenal supporters at the point of being in tears. Amount of sympathy here = zero. Liverpool will play Chelsea in the semi-final - Chelsea are now 2-0 up against Fenerbahce.

21.35: GOAL - Liverpool 4-2 Arsenal: Arsenal have thrown everybody forward - Liverpool clear the ball long, and Ryan Babel breaks clear, holds off Fabregas, and scores to wrap the game up for Liverpool. In all honesty, Liverpool don't really deserve it.

Full Time - Liverpool 4-2 Arsenal: Let's not forget that this was not amazing fayre for the full ninety minutes. The first thirty-five minutes of the second half, for example, was dismal. They will play against Chelsea in a match that might just bore us all to death. Just think. One of those two will be most likely be playing Manchester United or Barcelona in Moscow next month. Do catch up, European football - you're just not trying hard enough if bloody Liverpool are one of the best sides in Europe. In the Championship, West Brom ended up winning 3-1 at Blackpool, whilst Sheffield Wednesday did indeed throw away that two goal lead - it finished 2-2 at Bramall Lane. Finally, Torquay rallied to beat Oxford in the end, so the Cava will have to stay on ice for Aldershot until Saturday, at least.

It Couldn't Have Been, Could It...?

At the end of last week, the draw was made for the quarter finals of the Champions League. Theoretically, this should be a pretty straightforward affair. There's no seeding, and anyone can get drawn against anyone else, so all they have to do is draw out the eight names out, and tell the world who is playing who. Simple, no? I mean, I could do that with eight ping pong balls and a black marker pen. Well, the rumour has been doing the rounds that things might not have been quite that simple after all - in fact, the rumour that has been doing the rounds is that the draw for the Champions League quarter-finals was rigged, and that it was leaked on the morning that the "live" draw was made.

The story has unfolded here, with a message timed at 10.28 on Friday morning, advising readers of the ICLiverpool website of the correct draw, and that bookmakers were refusing to take bets on this correct draw outcome. It has been confirmed since then that the message was posted prior to the draw being made, and that it would have been more or less impossible to fix the forum so that it had made it look as if it had been posted before twelve when it hadn't without the assistance of the administrators concerned, and also that the Google cache for the page confirms that the messages were put up at the time that they were. The involvement of bookmakers in it all adds an extra layer to proceedings. Why were they refusing to take relatively small bets on something with very long odds an hour before the draw was made. Did someone in betting circles know something, or was the pattern of people that knew about it so great that the alarm bells started ringing at William Hill and Ladbrokes?

UEFA have, of course, issued a firm denial that there was any funny business going on. A conspiracy theorist would say, "Well, they would, wouldn't they?". In fact, their rebuffal of it was it little bit too dismissive for my liking - saying "well, they must have just got lucky with their guess" isn't quite enough, is it? The actual likelihood of guessing the correct draw for the Champions League is over 100/1 against. It wouldn't just be a lucky guess - it would be a brilliantly lucky guess. It's very easy to get sucked into the conspiracy and to start thinking that there is something to it all. Then we start getting into the realms of how they could have rigged a live draw. Some have been muttering about half of the balls being hot and the other half being cold, and about there has been talk of dark plots involving the Premier League and briefcases full of money. I have say... it's almost certainly nonsense.

The key questions to answer here are the following: Why would it benefit UEFA to rig the draw for the Champions League, and how was this demonstrated by the matches that were pulled out? The answer to the first part of the question is "it wouldn't". All-English semi-finals and/or an all-English final would most likely be the worst thing possible for UEFA. It would limit the serious interest in the latter stages of their show-piece tournament to one country (and not even the most lucrative one), and would almost certainly have a dramatic effect on the TV audience over the whole of Europe. The answer to the second part of the question is also, "it wasn't", by the way. Look again at the draw, and try to tell me how the draw made benefits anyone. The all-English match isn't a match which would create enormous interest in the way that, say, Chelsea vs Arsenal or Manchester United vs Liverpool would. Chelsea, the least attractive of the English teams left in the competition, have got the easiest draw of all of the English clubs. Also, whilst all four have avoided Barcelona, UEFA are looking at possible embarrassment with Manchester United having drawn AS Roma for a second year in a row. The possibility of significant crowd trouble marring United's match in Rome could cause a major headache for the authorities. Would UEFA want this? Why?

Like almost all conspiracy theories, I'm reasonably convinced that there isn't much to this - the explanation that "someone got lucky with their guess" is, surprisingly, the most likely explanation of all. Ultimately, what the conspiracy theorists haven't been able to adequately explain is this: in a competition as stupefyingly predictable as the Champions League, why would anyone want to try and rig the draw, and couldn't they have made a better job of it than they did?

Goodbye Lenin

On the "6-0-6" BBC Radio phone-in show, BBC football commentator and apparently self-styled "Voice Of The People" Alan Green stated that he thinks that, should two English teams make it to the final of this year's European Cup final, it should be played at Wembley, rather than at the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow. On the surface, it seems like an enticing idea, but it is really a non-starter and, if anything, demonstrates the myopia of the English game quite effectively.

Over the last ten years or so, the Champions League has grown substantially in prestige. It is now, after the World Cup final, arguably football's biggest match, and the right to host it is now keenly fought over. Moscow won this year's nomination in no small part because such a grand match has never been hosted in Russia, and Russia is a country with footballing ambition. Their bid for the 2018 World Cup is one of those that England need to take seriously, and with good reason. The country's natural resources are making it richer and more powerful than ever, and there can be little doubt that they would be quite capable of hosting a major football tournament. A lot of money has been poured into the Luzhniki in order to bring it up to date, and this would be money down the drain if UEFA were suddenly to decide that London was suddenly a more attractive venue for the final.

The argument in favour of moving it is one that tugs at the heartstrings. The logistics of more than 50,000 English supporters travelling to Moscow is one that may even lead to empty seats in the Luzhniki, and there is also a case to be made that they shouldn't have to travel if they don't need to. Getting to this year's European Cup final could be, for many English football supporters, an expensive business. However, the likelihood is that ticket distribution for the final will be organised so that those that have already travelled around Europe will be the ones that have first refusal on buying tickets for the final, and UEFA will be very conscious of the fact that, for these people, the pan-European travel is no small part of the appeal of going in the first place. Without a final in an exotic, foreign city, this match becomes little more than another football match clogging up the end of the football season.

There is also the small point that tickets will already have been promised, and hotel rooms booked. The Champions League, despite the best efforts of the Premier League, remains a Europe-wide tournament, and Russia deserves the final this year. There will be a considerable number of people in Russia that won't have seen a match of this stature before, and why should they miss out in order so that UEFA can effectively subsidise the travelling supporters of clubs from other countries. I'm all in favour of UEFA making the Champions League more accessible to fans (as I would be with any competition), but to switch the venue at the last minute actually undermines this ideal in several different ways.

There are, I feel many ways that UEFA should be challenged over ticketing arrangements for their biggest matches, but Alan Green has missed the target with this particular comment. There should probably be more than 17,000 tickets made available to the fans of the competing clubs and fewer going to corporate guests and sponsors, but I'd take a wild guess that it will be a cold day in hell before that happens. There is also a persuasive argument for saying that, with the massive amounts of money that UEFA gets from sponsorship to subsidise the cost of tickets for matches. However, to renege on an agreement with Russia to make life a bit easier for English football supporters is a disingenuous.

And, in spite of what you might have read in the press over the last few days, there's no guarantee that it will be an all-English final yet.

Milan vs Arsenal

Well, good evening, everyone. Here's something strange. I switched on the television at 7.30, and (lo and behold) ITV1 is showing Manchester United vs Lyon - a match which is surely a nailed-on home win. Fortunately, the considerably more interesting match between Milan and Arsenal is on ITV4, so we're not limited to watching Rooney and Tevez (or whoever) smashing in a hat-trick each against the hapless French champions, and can instead settle down and, hopefully, learn a little more about whether Arsenal are genuine contenders to be the champions of Europe or not. To be fair to them (and this may be the only time that I manage that all evening), they've got their work cut out against the current world and European champions. Milan may be faltering somewhat in the league at the moment (they dropped points at the weekend, allowing Fiorentina to open up a bit of a gap in fourth place, and meaning that Milan may have to win this competition in order to qualify for it next season), but they're packed with experience and, you could argue, save themselves like this. The teams line up as follows:

Milan - Kalac, Maldini, Kaladze, Nesta, Oddo, Ambrosini, Pirlo, Gattuso, Pato, Kaka, Inzaghi.

Arsenal - Almunia, Clichy, Senderos, Gallas, Sagna, Diaby, Fabregas, Eboue, Hleb, Adebayor.

There are also three other Champions League matches, as well as a full schedule of matches in the Championship and the Conference. We'll see how well I get on at keeping you updated on all of that as well. Back in a few minutes!

7.45: And they're off! They don't mess about in the Champions League. Milan in red and black, and Arsenal are wearing white and burgundy.

7.51: GOAL! Not in this match, though. Barcelona have scored in the first couple of minutes against Celtic. So that's their lot then. Arsenal haven't won any of their last four matches and Milan are in pretty poor form as well. Pato gets down the left hand side and his shot is deflected wide.

7.53: Arsenal are on the rack already. In a piece defending reminiscent of "Rourke's Drift", Almunia and Fabregas scramble a header away.

7.58: Breaking from nowhere, Diaby shoots just wide when, to be honest, he should have scored. Arsenal have settled down a bit, now. Meanwhile, Sevilla are two up on Fenerbahce and Bristol City are a goal down at Charlton (not in the Champions League, as you might have guessed).

8.04: The God-bothering Brazilian, Kaka, carries the ball forty yards, and the crosses for Pato, who can't get the ball under control and shoots straight at Almunia. A few seconds later, a last minute tackle from Diaby shepherds the ball away for a corner.

8.10: Fun European football fact - Liverpool, Manchester United and Aston Villa are the only English clubs to have won all of the domestic English cup competitions plus the European Cup. Fenerbahce have pulled one back in Seville and Partick Thistle have taken the lead against Livingston. Good old Partick.

8.15: Arsenal are continuing to push forward, and have forced one decent save out of Kalac, but Milan look well-organised defensively and exceptionally dangerous on the break. Otherwise (and I think I've done well to not mention this already), I'm wondering somewhat what all the fuss is about. Hleb is booked for taking a dive on the edge of the Milan penalty area.

8.19: Fabregas hits the crossbar from the edge of the penalty area, It's all Arsenal now, and it looks like only a matter of time before they score.

8.25: Somebody must have put something in the tea at Kidderminster, where the home team are 4-0 up in their Conference match against Stafford Rangers. Arsenal, you'll be unsurprised to hear, are trying to pass the ball into the net in the San Siro. I think that I may have spotted the fatal flaw in Arsene's plan, there.

8.30: Arsenal have shaded the first half, but I think that would be foolish to expect them to win from here. I don't watch Arsenal live that much, and I can see why people get so damn infuriated with them when they're not winning, because they look so dangerous until they're twenty yards from goal, and Kaka and Pato are plenty capable of turning it on at a moment's notice. Meanwhile, Manchester United have scored against Lyon and Sevilla are 3-1 up on Fenerbahce. Half-time, and it's goalless - back in fifteen minutes.

8.48: The second half starts here. Elsewhere, Brighton have come from a goal down to lead Gillingham 3-1 at the Withdean. Their push for the League One play-offs starts here. No changes for either wide at half-time, by the way (and by that I mean Milan and Arsenal, not Brighton and Gillingham).

8.52: Eboue misses a sitter after an atrocious pass across the edge of the penalty area by Pirlo lets him in. Meanwhile, this gem from the BBC Videprinter: SENT OFF: Barnet, Puncheon, Violent Conduct (34).

9.00: Boring, boring Arsenal. They're going to bloody nick this, aren't they? 1-0, probably. And then everyone will go on about "what a great thing it is for English football", and so on. Which it isn't. There aren't any English players in the Arsenal team, and there's only one on the bench. Wenger isn't so stupid that he'd pick English players.

9.05: At the risk of stating the obvious, Kaka is amazing, isn't he? He just burst down the left hand side at the speed of a greyhound on steroids, before pulling his shot badly wide. Clive Tyldesley's Arsenal-fellating is starting to grate, somewhat. I'd stick the Radio 5 commentary on, but I don't think it would be any better. Bristol City have equalized at Charlton, and Oxford United are losing 2-1 at home to Cambridge United in the Definitely Not Varsity Match in the Conference (only fools and journalists call the football match a Varsity Match, because both clubs have more or less nothing to do with their cities' respective universities).

9.10: Eboue runs across Maldini and goes down with the ball running out of play. Beglin and Tyldesley splutter indignantly, but it would have been an absolute scandal had a penalty have been awarded for that. Achtung! Achtung! Theo Walcott's coming on for Arsenal! Sometimes, I get the feeling that Wenger only plays Walcott because he feels duty-bound to try and get £10m worth of value out of him.

9.13: Two substitutions - Pirlo is replaced by Gilardino for Milan, and Eboue is the man to go off for Walcott. Paolo Maldini won his first Serie A championship in 1988, a year before Walcott was born. He's retiring at the end of the season, but I reckon that he could still do a job for Brighton next season, even though he'll be 40 by then.

9.17: Five seconds of panic in the Milan six yard box, which results in Walcott miscuing a shot at Kalac. If he'd been on the pitch five minutes longer, he'd have scored that.

9.21: The Duck (for that, of course, is Alexandre Pato's nickname) nearly nicks it for Milan. He cuts in from the right and his shot is deflected wide. He looks appropriately outraged when the referee gives a goal kick. Kaka then gets booked for seeing how high he can bounce the ball off the turf after a throw in doesn't go their way.

9.25: Is the pitch at the San Siro completely surrounded by artificial turf? If so, why is this?

9.26: GOAL - Milan 0-1 Arsenal: Oh, cock and balls. Fabregas shoots from thirty yards and the ball almost dribbles into the bottom corner. I'm blaming Kalac for that. There'll be no coming back from this, surely.

9.29: Let's focus on the good news. Firstly, this has been a pretty poor game, and at least we'll be spared extra-time. Secondly, this has been a poor, poor Milan performance (the rise to pre-eminence of English clubs in Europe has coincided with a fall off in the quality of many club sides in Europe). Thirdly, Arsenal haven't won anything this season yet.

9.33: GOAL: Milan 0-2 Arsenal: Adebayor taps in from five yards out, and the ITV commentators are talking, frankly, embarrassing bollocks. Beglin is talking about them having given Milan a "master-class" in the first half, whilst Tyldseley is talking about this being "one of the great performances" and "a historic win". Bullshit, has it been. They have been the better team against a Milan side that hasn't really turned up, but they've scored two late goals, the first of which the goalkeeper should have saved and the second of which came about because Milan were pushing forward. It was a decent enough performance, but if this Arsenal team is the best team in Europe, then European football is in a terminal decline.

So You Want... How Much?

Imagine, if you will, that you are the director of a marketing company based in Beijing. You have heard much about this "Premier League", which seems to be growing in popularity year on year, and you've just been made aware that you could get the chance to submit a bid to host a couple of matches in three years or so's time. To do a little research, you switch on your television set for the Sunday matches on your local cable sports channel. How much you would be looking to pay would probably depend on what time you switched it on. If you were an early bird, you might well agree that this is, indeed, a "premium product", as these things are known in marketing circles. The Manchester derby was a pulsating affair, played out in front of nearly 76,000 people, every single one of whom seemed to be shouting themselves hoarse.


If you switched on a couple of hours later, though, you might have arrived at a somewhat different conclusion, as Chelsea and Liverpool continued their five year long war of attrition at Stamford Bridge. Matches between these two clubs have taken on the stylistic qualities of the battles of the Somme. Both sides bombard each other with the metaphorical heavy artillery of kicking the ball very high up on the air and running around very, very quickly indeed. Every few minutes or so, their players clatter into each other, then get up and exchange glares and, occasionally, harsh words. At the end of the ninety minutes, they all troop off with a point apiece and the Sky Sports archive is a slightly worse place that it was before. If I was that marketing man, I would have a few questions to ask before I decided to fling any money at the proposed project. These would be questions such as, "What the hell was that?", "If these teams are amongst the best, then what on earth are the rest of them like?", and "How on earth am I supposed to market this as being the future of televised sport?".

These are fair questions, and I touched on them before when Chelsea and Liverpool contrived to produce two equally mediocre matches between them in last year's Champions League. There seems to be something in the DNA of these clubs that combines when they face each other to produce dreadful football. It's difficult not to feel sorry for the 41,000 people that paid considerable amounts of money to witness it. What was going through the head of the Chelsea or Liverpool supporter, picking his way across London towards Fulham Broadway underground station? Were they excited at the prospect of a HIGH TEMPO ALL ACTION ENCOUNTER between two talented sides? Or did they travel with heavy hearts, weighed down with the baggage of knowing that, on previous form, this was more than likely to be a coma-inducing affair, capable of destroying the souls of all but the hardiest of observers? What of the millions watching on the television? Did they think of the £45 direct debit that vanishes from their bank account at the start of every month and shed a tear?

Further down the division (and, indeed, further down the football food chain as a whole), there was more entertainment to be had. Newcastle United scored their second goal under Kevin Keegan, but... well... they collapsed in the second half against Aston Villa, for whom John Carew (a striker whose name is usually preceded with the soubriquet "That Big Lummox") scored a hat-trick. Somehow, Villa have scored forty-eight goals this season now, and are now level on points with Liverpool, although they've played a game more. Sunderland's revival continues apace, with Saturday's biggest crowd (43,600, for the statisticians amongst you) seeing them comfortably beat Wigan Athletic and leapfrog over Bolton Wanderers in the process. Fulham lost 1-0 at Middlesbrough, yet they still remain inexplicably in touch with the cluster of clubs just above. There are no such concerns for Derby County, though - their 3-0 home defeat by Spurs left them on nine points, thirteen adift of safety.

In the Football League, all three divisions continue to delight and infuriate in roughly equal measures. There are now just five points between the top five in The Championship, after West Bromwich Albion continued their recent patchy form in losing 2-1 at Barnsley, whilst Bristol City kep up the pressure by beating Sheffield Wednesday at Ashton Gate. In League One, this weekend's battle of the teams that have been put into administration saw Bournemouth win 4-1 at Luton Town, although both teams remain in the bottom four thanks to their ten point deductions. In League Two Franchise's lead has now been cut to six points, and Darlington would most likely knock them off the top of the table if they win their two games in hand. At the bottom of the League, it seems likely to be any two from Bury, Mansfield Town, Dagenham & Redbridge and Wrexham to drop into the Conference, whilst it remains nail-bitingly tight to see who will replace them - Aldershot Town are still six points clear of Torquay United, but The Gulls have two games in hand and a better goal difference. Tense times. Finally, congratulations to Egypt, who became the champions of Africa with a 1-0 win against Cameroon yesterday in the final of the African Cup Of Nations. The winning goal came from Mohammed Aboutrika, who (those of you with long memories may just recall) I picked out as one of the players of the tournament at the 2006 World Club Championships. He can probably expect a telephone call from a certain Senor Benitez in the next couple of days or so.

Is It Wrong To Laugh Whilst Writing An Obituary?

G14 hasn't gone away, of course. That would, obviously, be asking too much. It's more, well, a change of strategy. Since its foundation in 2000, G14 has taken something of a "bull in a china shop" approach to its politicking, getting itself involved in needless court cases with one sole aim - creating a European legal precedent that would make them more money. The crassness of their involvement in the Charleroi vs FIFA case was staggering - here was G14, explicitly setting its sights on the governors of the world game, and using a small, provincial, Belgian club to do so. They barely even bothered with the pretence of caring about Charleroi. This was all about making money out of FIFA.

There is a cogent case to be made that the clubs should be given a share of the money that the confederations make from the likes of the World Cup and the European Championships. These are the people that pay the wages of the players that the international associations take away, use, make a profit from and occasionally return in pretty bad condition. The FA has a compensation package which covers the wages of players that get injured on international duties. However, it is limited to £50,000 per week, and a number of the players in the England squad earn considerably more than that. In the case of, say, Michael Owen, it was less than half of his wages being paid by the FA for the months and months that he was out injured after the 2006 World Cup.

The flip side to this argument is somewhat more nuanced. It's entirely plausible to argue that clubs depend on the international game as much as the international set up depends upon the club game. The renaissance in English football came, not from Sky TV, no matter how much they might want you to believe it. They didn't get properly involved until 1992. In that respect, they were bandwagon jumpers. The renaissance started with the 1990 World Cup and the ending of English clubs' exile in Europe. People started going back to their clubs off the back of a renewed interest that was engendered by England's performance in Italy and when they got there, they found that it wasn't as bad as it had been. The effects of The Taylor Report were starting to kick in, and the facilities were starting to be improved.

All of this, though, is history. The game has moved on considerably since the early 1990s, and the clubs (and, in particular, the wealthy and powerful clubs) are in a stronger position than they ever have been before. However, international football still creates better "occasion" football than club football. The Champions League final is the biggest thing that club football has to offer, yet the TV audience in Britain for it will usually be less than for an England match of any significance. The response of the broadcasters has been telling. If you sit and watch a Champions League match on the television, you are constantly reminded how great it will be if the English clubs are successful, but I suspect that less and less people are falling for this line, now. This line serves the broadcasters very nicely. It pushes the patriotic button and (and this is crucial, as far as the broadcasters are concerned) creates interest amongst the neutrals. If you strip the neutrals away from the Champions League, the audiences would lousy. They play the same trick now on the international matches, but the base audience is bigger to start with.

Ultimately, G14 was outflanked by Michel Platini, and they were left with little choice but to re-group and re-organise. For the time being, Platini has got them onside and, for the first time in the best part of a decade, there's a chance that peace might actually break out within European football. I'd watch my back, though, if I was him.

Five Quick New Year Wishes

Obviously, in an ideal world I'd say "knickers" to football and go for the alpaca (see left), but this isn't really an option and, besides, this place remains a football blog rather than an alpaca blog (although I'm open to suggestion on this subject as well). Anyway, I'm still a little feverish, so here are a handful of hopes for 2008.

1. That the BBC and ITV take the European Championships as seriously as they should do, even though England aren't there. The big television companies should welcome the opportunity to get away from the jingoistic nonsense that has blighted every major international football tournament since at least 1996. They should grasp the nettle and do something that journalists should pride themselves in doing - telling you things that you didn't already know. Obviously it will be much easier for them to go on and on about how many of the players of view are from the the Premier League and "how much poorer" the competition will be for England not being there, but hope springs eternal.

2. Somebody, please, other than Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal or Liverpool to win a domestic trophy. I am fully resigned to the fact that it is now asking too much for anyone other than the aforementioned foursome to win the Premier League or, indeed, take the top four places in the Premier League table, but I don't think that it's asking too much for somebody else to win the FA Cup or the League Cup. West Ham United bottled it in the FA Cup two years ago, and the jury is still out on whether Spurs are good enough to beat Arsenal's academy team (this is how far we've come).

3. Milan to get knocked out of the Champions League at the earliest opportunity. Everybody knows that Maldini is too old, that Ronaldo is too fat and that there are too many anonymous players in the current Milan team. It's a damning indictment on the current age that a team so average, below half-way in Serie A, have become a trophy winning machine, with just enough genuinely great players (such as Kaka - and even he manages to annoy with me with his seemingly constant exhortations to Jesus) to be able to keep grinding out the major trophies. Over the last two or three years I have come to the opinion that European football ain't all it's cracked up to be, and Milan are living proof of that. If we can get rid of them early on, it will be a sign that there's life in the cadaver yet.

4. Leave Fabio Capello to get on with the job of managing the England football team. Look, I remain steadfast in my belief that the England football team is in a slow, terminal decline but, in taking on Fabio Capello, the FA have at least given themselves a degree of a chance of winning a major trophy. They have got a coach that is of the calibre of the coaches that appear on peoples wish lists - the likes of Mourinho or Wenger. So, this message is for the English press (and I know that it will be ignored), leave him alone, and let him get on with his job.

5. I know that this might be pushing the boat out a little too far, but can we get rid of the two-footed studs up tackles that seem to be happening in every single match at the moment. Look, I know that at the current rate football will have completely converted into competitive pinball by approximately the year 2020, but can professional players stop trying to commit ABH on each other, please? Oh, and while I'm about it, a rule which says that only the captain can speak to the referee or anyone on the opposition team would be nice, as well.

Schadenfreude Tuesday

I kind of meant to watch the Champions League football on ITV1 last night but, you know, "Spooks" was on BBC1 and... does anyone really care about these seemingly interminable group matches that act as wall-to-wall televisual filler between August and Christmas? I ask the question in all seriousness. Sometimes, something that I have previously written on here nestles in my head and leaves me thinking for several days and, over the last couple of days, I have been thinking about the supposed "death" of international football. Vastly overstated, if you ask me. The Champions League is supposed to the pinnacle of club football (it isn't, by the way - in terms of quality you're much better off checking out the Copa Libertadores when that starts in the new year if it's quality and competition that you're after), and my patience has been worn thin by week after week mismatched matches involving English clubs, often not playing very well, yet still managing to overcome plucky European clubs with about a tenth of their resources. It's true to say that, in Italy, a sizeable proportion of the population (I've seen the figure of 70% quoted) support one of Inter, Milan or Juventus, no matter who else they go and watch. The figures are nothing like that high is England for Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool (no matter how much they might like to convince you otherwise), so how is it that six or seven million people will sit and watch Manchester United dish up another dodgy performance against the second best side in Belgium every week?

Well, partly it's because British television audiences are stupid. You could put on a three hour long recording of a man staring at a brick and, so long as it was sandwiched between Emmerdale and Coronation Street, a couple of million people would watch it. Then you have people without satellite or cable television, for whom the Champions League is the only regular, live, televised football. Then you have the obsessives, who will watch any match going (*whistles*). A sizeable proportion of the audience is, however, an under-mentioned group. The people who watch because they hate the big English clubs and hope that they will lose. It's football's biggest irony. A game that is all about winning has, for a large section of its audience, become about which team you want to win the least. For these people, Tuesday night is "Schadenfreude Tuesday" - a chance to sit and watch a match, not really caring about who wins, but really, really hoping that Wayne Rooney has an off night and that some guy you'd never even heard of before will suddenly pop up and give them a punch on the nose. It doesn't happen often, but it's delicious when it does. Of course, the very reason that the Champions League is laid out in the convoluted way that it is has got much to do with removing chance. Liverpool's wretched performances against Besiktas and Marseille will count for nothing if (or when) they get through to the last sixteen anyway.

The issue of who is watching in England and why, however, in global terms, relatively small beer. We in England have long had to put up with the authorities messing about with kick-off times to suit television audiences (the noon kick-off on Saturdays is there to suit the needs of the Far East market, whilst the tea-time kick off is there primarily for North America), and this is likely to get worse in time rather than better. In terms of global audiences, the Premier League has stolen a march on the Champions League because of the timing of its fixtures. The fact that the Premier League still plays the vast majority of its matches at the weekend guarantees them a bigger global audience compared to the Champions League, which still has to play all of its matches on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. They can't change the kick-off times, because the European audience (which is still, ultimately, the most lucrative) would be unable to tune in (or, indeed, go to the matches), so UEFA is stuck with a competition which has live matches which are being played while everybody is at work in the USA and while everyone with any sense is in bed in the Far East. One can't help but wonder how long it will be before the idea gets put forward of switching Champions League matches to Saturdays and Sundays too. Meanwhile, those of us here in England will continue to chuckle outwardly when our biggest clubs fail, whilst inwardly bemoaning the state of these ridiculously lop-sided "competitions" such as the Premier League and the Champions League - competitions which a small proportion of all football supporters could ever hope to actually win.

Let Me Add My Voice To The Moralising Multitudes

So, Dida's antics at Celtic Park, then. You'll have to forgive me if I don't express too much outrage over this, because I'd feel a little hypocritical if I did. At the Spurs-Chelsea FA Cup match earlier this year, a fan got on the pitch at full-time and went for Frank Lampard and, for all the hand-wringing and wailing at the time, it was quite funny (particularly when it looked as if the miscreant was going to get beaten to within an inch of his life my the rest of the Chelsea team, before they were calmed down by stewards). It is difficult, therefore, for me to sit here this morning and express any outrage at what happened last night.

You can see the incident in full here. To my eyes, there are two disciplinary issues to be dealt with - the lapse in security that lets someone run onto the pitch, and what looks to my eyes like a deliberate attempt by Dida to get the match abandoned through feigning an injury. The fact that they happened as a result of each other shouldn't alter the fact that UEFA should be dealing with them quite separately. This is an important distinction to make, because neither Celtic nor Dida should be excessively punished or seek to mitigate their behaviour because of what else happened.

Let's take the two issues one at a time, then. First up, Celtic. There's no shying away from the fact that this was a serious lapse in security. You can see from the clip that the majority of the stewards behind the goal had moved to one corner of the stadium, to try and calm a group of Celtic supporters that may or may not have got onto the pitch. Considering that a last minute winner has just been scored in a hot-tempered European Cup match, there are obviously too few stewards behind the goal. It's worth reminding readers in Britain that there are still plenty of stadia in Europe and beyond that have fences around them. We may have taken them down, but they're not quite as much a relic of the past as we might think. There are also plenty of people that would quite like to put them back up. Lapses in security on makes this (albeit only slightly) more likely. Clubs have a responsibility to ensure the safety of players, and they failed to do so. Dida may only have been, in the words of Charlie Nicholas in the preceding clip, "tickled", but that isn't much of an excuse for what happened.

Now, onto Dida. Some of you will doubtlessly remember when he had a firework thrown at him during a European Cup Milan derby a couple of years ago, and there was some criticism levelled at him for clutching his head when the missile clearly hit him on the shoulder. His reaction last night looked like something like the same thing, but taken to the extreme. He could argue, I guess, that he is somewhat tetchy about unexpected crowd-related incidents following that, but I'm not convinced. He was doubtful prior to the match due to a shoulder injury but, on a balance of probabilities, it seems likely that he tried, in a magnificently ham-fisted way, to get the match abandoned. Pretty reprehensible behaviour, but not the worst thing in the world. Some of you will remember the antics of Roberto Rojas of Chile during a 1989 World Cup qualifier against Brazil, when Rojas went down after having been hit by a firework, only to be found to have concealed a small blade in his glove and cut himself. He received a life ban from football, and Chile were barred from the 1994 World Cup. Dida is skating on thin ice, and UEFA should look closely at whether he was seeking to get the match abandoned. It's worth pointing out that he was struggling for fitness going into the match but his behaviour was brazen enough for this to be seriously considered by the authorities.

All of this has taken a considerable amount of the limelight away from, for once, a couple of quite interesting nights in the European Cup, with Shakhtar Donetsk winning at Benfica, Liverpool stumbling at home to Marseille (I didn't see any of this match, and would be grateful for any explanation for how this happened - I mean, I know that Marseille have got a new coach in Eric Gerets, but still) and Olympiakos winning away to Werder Bremen, on top of Celtic and Rangers both beating top quality opposition. Enjoy weeks like this while they last, because the group format of this competition is deliberately designed to ensure that the biggest clubs don't suffer as a result of losing to "inferior" teams. Don't worry - you'll still get to see all the familiar faces in the quarter-finals. Football is a business now, after all.

It's Oh So Quiet

First of all, something of an apology to any of you that might have lumped your money on OM to take a hiding at the hands of Besiktas last night on the strength of how awful I said they were last Saturday. They were really dreadful, I promise. Still, as I've said before, anyone that takes my opinion on anything in the slightest bit seriously should really reconsider their general world view in the most profound of senses. Meanwhile, Liverpool coughed and spluttered their way to a lethargic looking 1-1 draw at Porto (repeat the mantra after me: "No team will ever win the European Cup with Jermaine Pennant in its team"), whilst Chelsea... well. Held at home by the mighty Rosenberg - a club whose entire financial turnover throughout the whole of their history would barely cover the cost of one of John Terry's ivory back scratchers. Marvellous stuff. Of course, the format of the European Cup as it stands takes into account the possibility of richer clubs dropping points against the likes of Rosenberg. Expect them to grind their way through to the next round with five successive 1-0 wins. Honestly. I just don't get what people see in it. In lieu of having much else of enormous interest to say (insert sarcastic retort here), here are a few more nuggets that warrant mention in passing.

New Blogs For Your Delectation: I probably shouldn't be encouraging even more of you to desert me (seriously, the viewing figures around here have plummeted recently), but here I have recently added some more to the links that warrant your further attention. Sam Kelly's excellent Hasta El Gol Siempre should be your first stop off point for all things Argentinian (and Argentinian domestic is brilliant - one of these days I will write something furious about how scandalous it is that we see so little South American club football in this country). I came across Gramsci's Kingdom by accident, but I'm jolly glad that I did. I don't know whether it's a North American thing, but they seem to do this football & politics thing a lot better than us. Maybe we're just too immersed in it all to be able to detach ourselves and see the broader picture. Finally (and if you haven't been mentioned it's probably because I'm an idiot), I would point you all in the direction of Early Doors. A marvellous way to waste an evening (or three), it's a collection of vintage football clips from YouTube, with the accent firmly on the 1970s and 1980s. If you know any more links that should be on here, let me know.

Wednesday Blues: It's a pretty complex situation, politically speaking, but Sheffield Wednesday have joined the ranks of clubs taking legal action against their supporters. The club still has deep rifts between supporters' groups and between supporters and the current board of directors after what I can best describe as a chaotic set of circumstances over their ownership of late. However, it seems again as if a football club is acting in a ridiculously heavy handed manner. It's a thin line between "protecting the brand" (as I believe the modern parlance would have it) and being seen to try and silence any criticism of the way that a club is being run, and I am not completely convinced that this isn't the latter. We live in sad times, in some respects.

Revie & Clough Go Head To Head: Apologies to anyone from One Touch Football that has already seen this, but this extraordinary recording has surfaced on the ITV website of a special edition of the Yorkshire TV show "Calendar" from the night that Brian Clough was sacked as the Leeds United manager after just 44 days in charge of the club in 1974. YTV reporter Austin Mitchell (later, of course, to become a Labour MP) not only managed to get Clough into the studio, but also his predecessor at Elland Road, then slightly eerie then-England manager Don Revie. They manage to say more about football clubs and how they run themselves in the first five minutes than anybody connected with the Premier League (managers, players, chairmen or media) has managed in the last fifteen years. You can only watch this on Internet Explorer, by the way, and possibly only in the UK, for all I know. With this in mind, I have snaffled an MP3 of it for your perusal. Really, it's quite special.