The European Championships - 2000

So, a new millennium, and a new concept for UEFA - for the first time, the finals of the European Championships would be jointly hosted between two countries. This was an excellent tournament, freed from much of the defensive football that had blighted the previous two competitions in England and Sweden, and would end with a Golden Goal winner that would see France become the first country to be the reigning European and World champions at the same time. Before the tournament, the familiar concerns. Would the Belgian and Dutch police be able to cope with the familiar spectre of English hooliganism? The answer was, "not really, but why should they have to?". Many people rightly criticised the hosts for putting on the match between England and Germany at Charleroi, where the stadium held just 30,000 people, but the vast majority of the trouble occurred outside of the area immediately surrounding the stadium, by people that probably had no intention of going to the match itself. Plus ca change. The rest of Europe gave a sigh of relief when the England team was knocked out in the first round.

England's qualification had been by the skin of their teeth, winning just three of their eight matches, and being reliant on a Swedish win against Poland to get them through to a two-legged play-off against Scotland. A 2-0 win at Hampden Park should have been enough for them to relax in the second leg, but Scotland won the return match 1-0 at Wembley, to leave them crawling through by the skin of their teeth. They should have had a reasonably comfortable ride against Portugal, a disjointed Germany and Romania. In the first match against Portugal, they should have cruised through after early goals from Paul Scholes and Steve McManaman put them 2-0 up, but they couldn't hold onto the momentum, and by half time Luis Figo and Joao Pinto had levelled things up at 2-2. A third goal on the hour by Nuno Gomes was enough to do for them. In their second match, they lined up against Germany in a match that had been hyped up as "The Match That All Of Europe Wants To Watch". It was, then, a pity that it was probably the worst match of the tournament, with a stooping header from Alan Shearer proving to be enough to give England a 1-0 win. Results elsewhere meant that the final match against Romania was a straight battle for second place, with England needing just a draw to qualify. Keegan surprisingly picked Nigel Martyn to start, and the error of his ways was apparent when he allowed Cristian Chivu's cross-cum-shot to drift over him and in. England did battle back to lead 2-1 at half-time through goals from Shearer and Michael Owen, but a poor punch from Martyn three minutes into the second half allowed Dorinal Munteanu put the Romanians level again, and a late, unnecessary tackle from Phil Neville that Ioan Ganea converted to deservedly put the Romanians through.

In Group B, the big surprise was the abject failure of a Swedish team that had done reasonably well during the qualifying rounds. They lost their opening match against Belgium, but the Belgians themselves ran out of steam, losing matches against Italy and Turkey to go out. Turkey, by contrast, showed the quality that would take them to the World Cup semi-finals two years later. The Italians won three out of three to take the group leadership. Group C was the place to be for goals, so long as you weren't watching Norway. The Norwegians nearly squeaked through to the quarter-finals in spite of only scoring one and conceding one in their three group matches. Group C also contained the angry, angry Yugoslavians (who seemed incapable of not losing a man per match to a red card), newcomers Slovenia and the perennial under-achievers, Spain. Slovenia looked likely to cause a mighty shock in their first match against Yugoslavia, with Yugoslavia down to ten men and the Slovenians leading 3-0 with less than an hour played. Yugoslavia, however, came back to draw an extraordinary match 3-3. Spain started slowly, losing 1-0 to Norway, before making mighty hard work of beating Slovenia 2-1. In their final match, they played Yugoslavia knowing that they would most likely need a win to get through. Into injury time, Yugoslavia were 3-2 up, before Mendieta levelled things up for Spain and then, four minutes into stoppage time, Alfonso Perez won the game for Spain and knocked Norway out. Results in Group D meant that France and Netherlands were already through to the quarter-finals by the time that they met in their final group match in a match that many people thought would be repeated in the final. The Dutch beat the French 3-2 in a pulsating match in Amsterdam which won them the group.

The Dutch peaked in the quarter-finals with a 6-1 win against Yugoslavia on a balmy Sunday evening in Rotterdam, with a stunning performance that left commentators almost breathless and saturating them with praise. In the second match, France took the lead through Zinedine Zinedane before Mendieta levelled for Spain. Yuri Djorkaeff gave France the lead again, and France looked to be holding on to win before a last minute penalty award gave Spain a glorious chance to take the match into extra-time. Raul, however, blasted the ball well wide - France were through and Spain, the self-appointed bridesmaids of world football, were out again. France would play Portugal in the semi-final - a repeat of 1984. The Portuguese were too strong for Turkey, and two Nuno Gomes goals gave them a 2-0 win in Amsterdam. Finally, Italy had a relatively comfortable win - 2-0 against Romania in Brussels. They wouldn't be able to find their way past the flying Dutchmen though, would they?

Everything seemed to be pointing towards a Dutch win. Italy had hardly been inspiring, whilst the Dutch had been formidable against both France and Yugoslavia. When the Italians had Gianluca Zambrotta sent off ten minutes from half-time, their chances too a further nose-dive. Four minutes later, the Dutch had a golden opportunity to take the lead from the penalty spot but, in an ominous warning for the Dutch Frank de Boer's penalty was magnificently saved by Francesco Toldo. So it went on. Wave after wave of Dutch attacking play, all of it repelled by the sturdy Italian defence. On, indeed, to penalties. Considering the Dutch record in 1996 and 1998, and the Italian record in 1990, 1994 and 1998, this could have been a very long evening, but the Italians didn't blink while the Dutch did, with misses from Frank de Boer (again), Jaap Stam and Paul Bosvelt handing Italy a scarcely-deserved place in the final. In the other semi-final, Nuno Gomes gave Portugal a first half lead against France, who levelled through Thierry Henry six minutes into the second half. The match seemed to be drifting to penalties, before Wiltord's shot was blocked by the arm of Abel Xavier - Zinrdine Zidane converted the penalty to send the French through to face Italy.

Without the romance of the Dutch team, the final in Rotterdam looked likely to be a disappointing match. Indeed, there were few clear chances in the first half, but Italy took the lead eight minutes into the second half with a cleverly worked goal from Marco Delvecchio, it looked as if it might be another victory for defensive, pragmatic football. France were saved in the dying seconds with a late, late goal from substitute Sylvain Wiltord, and two minutes from half-time in extra-time, Zinedine Zidane fired a low cross into the roof of the net to give France a just about deserved victory. It's difficult to get away from the belief that the Dutch were the team that set this tournament truly alight, but their failure to kill off the Italians meant that Euro 2000 would be France's to lose in the final, and they succeeded where the Dutch failed.

Netherlands vs Yugoslavia - Group Match



Netherlands vs Italy - Semi-Final



France vs Italy - The Final

The European Championships - 1996

Time, then, to debunk a couple of old myths about Euro 96. First of all, the tournament was not the stunning success that many of the history books would tell you that it was. It was certainly a success when compared with the worst, most doom-laden prophecies that the media could come up with, but there were vast numbers of empty seats at other matches with reports that the FA were over-stating the figures - a crowd that looked like about 5,000 at St James Park for the match between Romania and Bulgaria was reported as 19,000. Very few of the stadia were full for matches that didn't include England or Scotland. The perception of the tournament as a massive success has been overstated since 1996. Secondly, England were not an absolute revelation at Euro 96, playing exceptional football that swept all before them. Having played so badly since the 1990 World Cup finals, there were considerable concerns that England might not even get beyond the group stages of the competition. The team returned from a pre-tournament trip to Hong Kong in disgrace after the infamous "dentist's chair" incident, which led to calls in the press for Paul Gascoigne to be dropped. There were plenty of question marks over England's temperament and ability before it all started, and not all of these had been answered by the time that they were knocked out by Germany two and a half weeks later.

They started with a nervy 1-1 draw against Switzerland at Wembley, in which they failed to settle after taking a first half lead through a goal from Alan Shearer. A late Swiss penalty levelled things up. Scotland, meanwhile, were unable to break the Dutch down in a 0-0 draw at Villa Park. The second match was loaded with historical significance - England vs Scotland, the oldest international fixture there is, in the finals of a major tournament for the first time. It was a disappointing first half, with Scotland having the better of the play. Eight minutes into the second half, however, Shearer headed England in front, but England were still largely unable to impose their will on the game, and with twelve minutes to play, Scotland won a penalty. McAllister's penalty, however, was saved by Seaman's elbow, England broke quickly, and Gascoigne scored a brilliant goal to finish the game off. The Dutch, meanwhile, had beaten Switzerland by the same score. The final match left England requiring a draw against the Dutch to guarantee their place in the next round. It was a very even first half, punctuated by another Shearer penalty, and with the English glad to hear the half-time whistle after a strong finish by the Dutch. No-one could have been prepared for the second half performance, however. Two goals from Teddy Sheringham and a second from Shearer put them 4-0 up, and with Scotland leading the Swiss 1-0, it looked as if both Home Nations would go through, before a late Dutch consolation by Patrick Kluivert sent the Scots out on goal difference.

The other three groups went largely to type, with the biggest surprise coming in Group C, where Italy failed to qualify. They lost 2-1 against the Czech Republic, and could only draw 0-0 against the Germans in their final match, with Gianfranco Zola missing a penalty. All the excitement came in the other group match between the Czech Republic and Russia. The Czechs raced into a 2-0 lead inside the first twenty minutes, but the Russians pulled it back to 2-2 and took a 3-2 lead with five minutes to play, before an equalizer from Vladimir Smicer with two minutes to play put them through and sent the Italians home. France qualified comfortably as the winners of Group B, with the Spanish scrambling through in second place after a late goal from Guillermo Amor gave them a 2-1 win against Romania. In Group D, Portugal (in their first finals since 1984) and Croatia (in their first tournament finals) qualified at the expense of the holders, Denmark, and Turkey.

The first quarter-final between England and Spain was a disappointing match, which ended in a fortunate 0-0 draw and a penalty shoot-out. In open play, the chances were few and far between. Spain had a goal incorrectly ruled out for offside and Alan Shearer should have scored from a couple of yards out but put the ball over the crossbar. The penalty shoot-out started badly for Spain, with Hierro hitting the crossbar after Shearer had put them in front. The cathartic moment came with England's third penalty, when Stuart Pearce's exorcism of his 1990 demons was almost disturbing to watch. After Gascoigne gave them a 4-2 lead, Miguel Angel Nadal's shot was saved by Seaman and England were through. The second quarter-final saw Holland and France draw 0-0, with the Dutch continuing their penalty nightmare after Clarence Seedorf missed, allowing Laurent Blanc to send an unexceptional French side through. After two such disappointing matches, Germany beat Croatia 2-1 to get through, with the Czechs managing the goal of the tournament - their goal, a spectacular lob from Karel Poborksy being enough to win their match against Portugal.

The first semi-final, between France and the Czech Republic, finished in yet another 0-0 draw, and this time the French luck run out. Reynald Pedros missed with the final penalty for France, and Miroslav Kadlec put the Czechs through. The second semi-final, between England and Germany, was a national event, played in atmosphere of considerable tension following a surprisingly ill-advised front page in the Daily Mirror, which summed up all of the worst traits of the tabloid press in shouting "Achtung! Surrender!" at the German team. Shearer headed England in front after just three minutes, but a German equalizer from Stefan Kuntz cancelled it out. England were the better team throughout the remainder of normal time and extra time. Shearer headed inches wide just before half-time, and in the first period of extra time, Darren Anderton hit the post from six yards out when he should really have scored. Five minutes later, Germany had a goal from Kuntz disallowed for pushing, and then Shearer shot across goal and Gascoigne couldn't quite get on the end of a shot across the penalty area. It was thrilling stuff, worthy of the final itself, but the teams couldn't be separated and it went to penalties again. This time, England's luck ran out and, after both teams had scored their first five penalties, Gareth Southgate missed, and Andreas Moller put the Germans through.

Against this background, and from a purely English perspective, the final was a massive non-event. The Germans and the Czechs had already met once, with the Germans having won 2-0 at Old Trafford in their opening match. It was a disappointing match, with the Czechs taking the lead just before the hour with a Patrick Berger penalty. Germany equalized a quarter-final of an hour later, when Bierhoff headed in unmarked from a free-kick. The Germans then won the match with the first "Golden Goal" of the tournament, when Bierhoff's shot was spilled by the Czech goalkeeper and dribbled over the line. The truth of the matter is that there was there was practically nothing to choose between the German and English teams, and since they were the ones that had got lucky in the semi-finals, they deserved their win at Euro 96. For England, who rode their luck and wore out the nerves of the watching public on the way, one suspects that it might just be the last time that they get this far in the finals of a major tournament.

England vs Netherlands



England vs Scotland

The European Championships - 1992

The years between 1988 and 1992 were the most eventful in the history of Europe since the end of the Second World War. The collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe meant that the 1992 European Championships saw the first entry of a reunited German team and, in the light of the dissolution of the Soviet Union, a team called the Commonwealth of Independent States represented the transitional state between the break-up of the Union and the formation of the independent nations that now play in UEFA tournaments. This sudden expansion of countries was to have a dramatic effect on international football. This would be the last eight nation European Championships, with the number of entrants being doubled for the next tournament, four years later. Held in Sweden, just four stadia, in Gothenberg, Stockholm, Malmo and Norrkoping, were used.

The tournament, held in Sweden, would be shrouded in controversy before it started. The collapse of Yugoslavia had begun with the collapse of the country's federal government a couple of years previously, and by the start of 1992 Bosnia was engulfed in a horrific conflict and the United Nations had imposed sanctions on Yugoslavia. The team had performed promisingly at the 1990 World Cup, but at the last minute, UEFA decided to uphold the sanctions and expelled the Yugoslav team from the tournament. As the group runners-up, Denmark were requested to make the short journey across the Baltic Sea to make up the numbers. The Danes weren't particularly keen to enter in the first place. One player, Michael Laudrup, refused to cancel his holiday and didn't play. His brother, Brian, was called up in his place. Most of the rest of the Danish players, however, did turn out in Sweden. The eight entrants were arranged into two groups of four, with England, France, Denmark and Sweden in one group. Germany, the CIS, first-time qualifiers Scotland and the Netherlands made up the other group. Italy and Spain failed to qualify altogether.

The tournament started with a 1-1 draw between the hosts, Sweden, and a French team that was in a transitional stage between the successful team of 1986 and that which would win the World Cup in 1998. The following day, England (who had, after performance at the 1990 World Cup and a decent qualifying campaign, had high expectations for the finals) huffed and puffed to a goalless draw against Denmark. In the second round of matches, England drew 0-0 again, this time against France, while Sweden practically booked their place in the semi-finals with a 1-0 win against Denmark. Going into the final round of group matches, any of the four teams could still qualify for the finals. Denmark surprised France 2-1 in Malmo book their place in the semi-finals. The England vs Sweden match would go on to become famous for being the first match when the true folly of hiring Graham Taylor would become apparent. England scored first, a very early goal from David Platt, but Jan Eriksson levelled early in the second half, and a wonderful goal from Thomas Brolin gave the Swedes a thoroughly deserved 2-1 lead. It was this point that Graham Taylor withdrew Gary Lineker for Alan Smith, a decision that would create the mistrust for him that would undermine his position in the media for the remainder of his time in charge.

The other group contained the favourites, Germany, and their arch rivals, the Dutch. Both sides started off surprisingly unconvincingly. The Dutch needed a late goal from a young Dennis Bergkamp to claim a 1-0 win over Scotland, while the Germans left it even later - an injury time equaliser from Thomas Hassler snatched a 1-1 draw for them against the CIS. The second round of matches saw Germany beat Scotland 2-0 to knock the Scots out with a game to spare, while the Dutch's 0-0 draw against the CIS effectively put them out, too. In the final game, the Dutch comfortably beat Germany 3-1, while Scotland picked up a tidy consolation win with goals from Paul McStay, Brian McClair and Gary McAllister beating the CIS. The semi-finals, therefore, threw up Sweden against Germany in Stockholm, while the Netherlands would face Denmark in Gothenberg. In the first match, the extent to which the competition had failed to capture the imagination of the public became apparent when just 28,000 people bought tickets for the 40,000 Rasunda Stadium in Stockholm for the hosts' match against Germany. After a dull group stage, the semi-finals were a lot more open. Thomas Hassler gave the Germans an early lead, and it looked all over when Karl-Heinz Riedle doubled their advantage just before the hour. However, Thomas Brolin pulled a goal back for Sweden and, when Riedle made it 3-1 to Germany with a couple of minutes to play, Kennet Andersson pulled a second goal back for Sweden to get German nerves jangling again.

The second semi-final is one of the featured matches for this competition. The Dutch had been expected to roll the out of shape Danes over in their match in Gothenberg, but the Danes took an early lead through Henrik Larsen. Dennis Bergkamp levelled for the Dutch when his shot slipped under the body of the Danish goalkeeper Peter Schmeichel, but Larsen retook the lead for the Danes just before half-time. Denmark held out until four minutes from time, before Frank Rijkaard levelled things up. There were no more goals in extra-time, and in the penalty shoot out that followed it, only Marco Van Basten, the hero of four years earlier, missed, with Kim Christofte scoring the penalty to knock the Dutch out. The Germans were the clear favourites to win the final, but the Danish team had a built up a clear head of steam by now, and John Jensen gave them an early lead. The Germans battered away at the Danish goal, but an inspirational performance from Peter Schmeichel kept the score down to 1-0, before Kim Vilfort put the result beyond any doubt. The Danes, who would probably have been the underdogs of the eight entrants had they had the same amount of time to prepare as everyone else, had achieved something truly incredible in dragging themselves off the beaches of the world and beating the very best in Europe.

Netherlands vs Denmark - The Match



Netherlands vs Denmark - The Penalties



Denmark vs Germany

The FA Cup Final - Live

Well, I've managed to work myself up into a frenzy over this year's FA Cup final, and we're doing it live. Live commentary from the comfort of my living room will start at about 2.45 with a raucous rendition of "Abide With Me" - they still do that, right? The teams will line up as follows:

Portsmouth: James, Johnson, Campbell, Distin, Hreidarsson, Diarra, Muntari, Diop, Kranjcar, Utaka, Kanu.

Cardiff: Enckelman, McNaughton, Loovens, Johnson, Capaldi, Whittingham, Rae, McPhail, Ledley, Parry, Hasselbaink.

No place for Robbie Fowler, by the way. He must still be crocked. Portsmouth, meanwhile have chosen to only play one up front (with Jermaine Defoe cup-tied - bet he's delighted that he played in the Third Round for Spurs, now). I'm supporting Cardiff this afternoon, by the way (though I think that I'll cope if Portsmouth win). More to follow later.

14.45: Over to John Motson. Wembley is absolutely jumping this afternoon. This is so much better than having two sets of supporters. Lesley Garrett, singing "Abide With Me", has got extraordinary cleavage. There'll be a welcome in the valleys, indeed.

14.50: First camera shot of the afternoon of Mr Portsmouth Football Club (see above), too, and he's blubbing during "Abide With Me". Bless.

14.53: The teams are out on the pitch, and are being introduced to Bobby Robson (who, I have to say - and mention with some regret - doesn't look terribly well).

14.58: The national anthems. When I think of "Land Of My Fathers", I always think of "Son Of My Father", by Chicory Tip. Perhaps England should adopt that as their nation anthem. Answers on a postcard for what the words should be.

15.00: Kick-off. In a similar vein, I now have a verbal tic that makes me suggest that Tony Capaldi is the son of the former Traffic drummer, Jim Capaldi, whenever I hear his name mentioned. Dotmund is my able right hand man this afternoon, and is keeping count of the number of times that the 1927 and 1939 Cup Finals are mentioned by John Motson - 3-0 to 1927, so far.

15.05: They're using a special FA Cup final ball this afternoon - quite a nice design, too (I'll see if I can find a picture of it if I get the time). A good, bright start by both teams, by the way. Congratulations, by the way, to the person that found this commentary by searching Google for "lesley garrett cleavage".

15.10: We're listening to "Feelin' Alright" by Traffic, here, out of deference to Tony Capaldi's dad. The Cardiff number two, Kevin McNaughton, is really, really grey - a quick check of Google reveals his date of birth to be the 28th of August, 1982. He's almost exactly 10 years younger than me, and looks almost exactly ten years older.

15.15: Parry suddenly gets through on goal, and David James blocks well. Less than a minute later, Whittingham's shot hits his own player and loops just wide of the goal. Cardiff have been the better of the two teams so far.

15.17: Enckleman makes a dogs breakfast of a cross, and Cardiff bundle the ball clear with Kanu stretching to try and get the ball over the line. Peter Enckleman is completely grey haired, too.

15.23: It's all gone a bit quiet after that, which gave me a moment to dig out the 2008 FA Cup Final ball.

15.24: As if by magic, Kanu gets through and rounds Enckleman, but the angle is too narrow and he hits the post.

15.26: Great chance for Cardiff at the other end, almost straight away - Portsmouth fail to pick up Parry, who has a free shot from twelve yards, but he mishits it and Portsmouth clear.

15.29: Roger Johnson comes up for a free-kick and heads just over for Cardiff. Dotmund, meanwhile, is looking up comedy Dutch footballers' names on Wikipedia. A round of applause, ladies and gentlemen, for Dick Bond and Ron de Roode of Stormvogels Telstar.

15.34: Not a great deal of quality from Portsmouth, except when they're going forward, which hasn't been that often. Hasselbaink crosses low into the penalty area but Portsmouth clear.

15.38: As noted in the comments, Cardiff's biggest problem at the moment is Enckleman, who looks rusty every time the ball goes into their penalty area. Portsmouth are on top at the moment.

15.39: GOAL! Cardiff 0-1 Portsmouth - Muntari crosses low into the six yard box, Enckleman fumbles again and Kanu pushes the ball over the line. There are a few seconds' hesitation because of a suspicion that, well, something might have happened, but it's a perfectly good goal. "Enckleman is making David James look like Gordon Banks at the moment", says Dotmund.

15.45: Coming towards half-time, a quick break for the summary. Cardiff have looked pretty good apart from every time the ball goes anywhere near their goal, although Portsmouth have settled since they scored. As for Peter Enckleman, well... at least he won't be remembered for that goal that he conceded in a Birmingham derby for Aston Villa straight from a throw in any more.

15.47: Cardiff have a goal disallowed for handball - a corner is Encklemanned by David James, and the ball is lobbed in. A fair enough call. Half-time, Cardiff City 0-1 Portsmouth.

16.05: Right, the second half is under way. It's now 3-2 to Cardiff in the "Mentions Of The Last Time they Won The Cup" mini competition going on here, by the way.

16.11: First decent chance of the second half, as Roger Johnson heads into the side netting, though the reverse angle shows a massive deflection, but no corner given.

16.14: At the other end, Krancjar's tidy back-heel releases Muntari, who pulls the ball back, but Kanu's shot is blocked. Krancjar is then booked for booting Whittingham about twelve feet up in the air.

16.18: Muntari shoots over from distance, but Enckleman has it covered. I mean, to the extent to which he can, anyway.

16.22: Ramsey on for Whittingham, for Cardiff. The youngest ever FA Cup finallist, according to Motson, but I will be seeking independent confirmation of this, since every other "fact" that Motson has managed to get every other thing that he has said wrong so far this afternoon.

16.30: Nugent on for Utaka, for Portsmouth. Cardiff are starting to get back into the match, but the second half has been pretty poor, so far.

16.32: Only a couple minutes on the pitch, and Nugent has a shot from a very tight angle which Enckleman pushes wide. I don't think he's caught anything yet this afternoon.

16.36: It looks as if the most likely route to a goal for Cardiff is going to be a set-piece, finished off with a header by Richard Johnson, who has been everywhere this afternoon.

16.39: Papa Bouba Diop comes on for Pedro Mendes, for Portsmouth. Cardiff are raising their game, and the truth is that Portsmouth aren't playing very well. Loovens gets up well from a corner for Cardiff, but the header is down into the ground, and bounces up and over.

16.45: Sylvain Distain carries the ball from the half way line, but is tackled by Johnson at the last minute. Milan Baros (remember him?) comes on for the goal-scorer, Kanu.

16.50: An almighty scramble in the Portsmouth penalty area, but Ramsey can't quite dig the ball out from under his own feet and the ball is eventually blocked. Roger Johnson has taken his shinpads off. How tough.

16.53: Johnson's shot for Cardiff is blocked, and Portsmouth win the FA Cup. A last minute equalizer for 1939 means that the score finishes 3-3 in the battle of the Cup Final Mentions.

FULL TIME: Cardiff City 0-1 Portsmouth - Portsmouth just about shaded this, but it was a disappointing second half performance after they played well in the first half. In the end, they just about had too much, but ultimately Enckleman's mistake is probably what this match will be remembered for. Harry Redknapp, being interviewed after the match, is looking a bit flushed. It is possible that he has an erection. Fair play, I guess, to players like David James, who has been in the game for not far short of 20 years and has won a trophy right at the tail end of the season.

17.05: A late winner for Portsmouth - as the team goes up to get the trophy, Motson mentions that they're doing this for the first time since 1939. 4-3 to Portsmouth. Well done to worthy winners, and good luck in next year's UEFA Cup.

Jonathan Pearce, A Billion People & Several Sleepless Nights

Sometimes, comments that I have seen on the television or in the papers take lodge in my head, sit there and fester. About three weeks ago, though, a comment made on the television has started to overtake my waking hours, and it's a comment that, in an almost abstract fashion, says about as much as you need to know about the modern game in Britain. I have to say that I don't watch "Match Of The Day" as much as I probably should these days (I normally manage to catch a couple of live matches and "Match Of The Day 2" on Sunday nights) but, three weeks ago, when Chelsea played Manchester United, I thought I should make an exception. I'd been to a match that afternoon and had missed the drama unfolding live, but even I realised that this was quite an important match in terms of deciding the outcome of the Premier League title. So, cue Gary Lineker and his strangely cheap looking shirts, and the "Match Of The Day" studio, which is half-way between the flight deck of the Starship Enterprise and the Duty Free shop on a cross channel ferry. Gary winked conspiratorially and took us over to Jonathan Pearce at Stamford Bridge.

What happened next is what has been troubling me for a few weeks now. To put no fine a point on it, as the players were coming out onto the pitch, Pearce stated that "almost a billion people are watching" the match. Over the next couple of days, I had a look around to see if anyone else had picked up on this statement, but they seemed not to have done. On the Monday after the match, I took the unusual step of buying almost all of the daily papers, but no-one mentioned it. I started to think that maybe he hadn't said it at all. It all ended up in the slightly farcical sight of me frantically downloading that episode of "Match Of The Day", to confirm whether he had said it or not. He had, and I've got the proof. As the players come out onto the pitch at Stamford Bridge, Jonathan Pearce says, "nearly a billion people worldwide are watching this brunch crunch". Leaving aside the linguistic clunkiness of the phrase "brunch crunch" for a moment, this is a statement that really managed to get under my skin, and I'll have a go at explaining why.

The thing is, it's untrue, and it's untrue in several respects. Firstly, in spite of considerable amounts of debate in the letters page of "When Saturday Comes", the BBC still sends its commentators to at least its featured match. It is, therefore, safe to assume that Pearce's commentary was "live" - that's to say, it's what he said as the teams came out onto the pitch. Out of curiosity, how could he conceivably had any clue what the television audience for this match was? Indeed, global television audiences aren't just exceptionally difficult to predict. It's very, very difficult to state even days after the event what the global television audience for something was. For example, the largest ever global television audience for a football match (and, yes, I will be coming back to this) was for the 2006 World Cup Final between France and Italy, which was reported variously as being watched by between 500m and 750m people. The fact of the matter is that no-one knows what the global television audience for that match was.

Secondly, it is clearly an over-exaggerated figure, plucked, it would appear completely from thin air. As I noted above, the highest ever television audience for a live football match was between 500m and 750m, for the 2006 World Cup final. I'm not saying for a second that there is no global demand for the Premier League, and neither am I saying that interest would be slight. However, to suggest that between fifty and one hundred percent more people would be watching this match than World Cup final strikes me as being hyperbole of the first order. I recently read an article on the UEFA website which speculated on a global television audience of "over 100 million" people. Was Jonathan Pearce suggesting that more people are interested in the Premier League than in the Champions League? Nine or ten times more people? I mean, surely all Manchester United and Chelsea supporters know that the Champions League is more important than the Premier League, don't they?

Finally, I scanned the papers on Monday morning, and no-one mentioned the global television viewing audience at all. I'm almost certainly alone in this viewpoint (and I may be slightly old fashioned in this respect), but I do rather feel that football commentators are, ultimately, journalists and, as such, have a duty to at least tell the truth, as opposed to plucking random figures from thin air because they sound impressive. So, a splash of hubris, a dash of hype, and all built on an arbitrary figure that was plucked from thin air and almost certainly bears no relevance to the truth. How apt, for the Premier League.

The FA Cup Final 2008

In an age in which football has become almost wearily predictable in many respects, this year's FA Cup has been a breath of fresh air. Whether we're talking about Havant & Waterlooville's demolition of Swansea City and their subsequent day out at Anfield, Barnsley's extraordinary performances against Liverpool and Chelsea and Portsmouth's tin at Old Trafford have been just some of the highlights of a remarkable year's cup football, which culminates tomorrow at Wembley with the unexpected sight of Cardiff City taking on Portsmouth.

A quick scout around this morning's main sport websites gives away the rank hypocrisy of the British sports press, who are quick to laud the underdogs when they knock the big clubs out (presumably because it's what people want to read) but then ignore the main event, presumably because there aren't enough "stars" involved. You' be forgiven for thinking that there is no FA Cup Final this year if you read The Guardian's Sport Blog (though their football site does make a bit more of an effort). The Independent makes a better effort, but the wooden spoon goes to The Times, whose Ten Reasons To Be Fearful is largely insulting and, notably, takes clear precedence over the Ten Reasons To Be Cheerful article that it was a counter to. Why, one wonders, would The Times feel the need to run an article countering an article saying that, you know, having two teams that aren't Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool or Arsenal in the FA Cup Final might just make a nice change? I look forward to their Ten Reasons Why An All-English Champions League Final Is Bad For European Football.

Of course, if tomorrow's match turns out to be a disappointing spectacle (as any football match has the potential to be), numerous commentators will crawl out of the woodwork telling us that Cardiff and Portsmouth being there in the first place is A Bad Thing For Football - something which I don't particularly remember being bestowed upon Chelsea and Manchester United after they served up the worst FA Cup Final in living memory last year. There will also doubtless be opinions served up that the FA Cup is an irrelevance in the twenty-first century, with statistics comparing the television viewing figures between it and the Champion League Final as evidence, as if the number of people sat on their sofas watching it is the only thing that matters. This year, the FA Cup Final isn't really about you and I, sitting at home on our sofas, drinking beer from a can and occasionally scratching our backsides. More than any other Cup Final in recent years, this year's is about the people that are there in the day, and I would wager that they couldn't care less whether two million or two hundred million people are watching at home.

This year's FA Cup Final is a celebration, all too rare these days, of the diversity of English football. It is living proof of the biggest strength that our domestic game has - the ability to throw up a match between two totally unexpected teams in completely unexpected circumstances. Like most of the rest of us, I had lost the faith that this could ever happen again, and it may never happen again after this year. Just think, though, how terrible tomorrow would have been had it been Chelsea against Manchester United again, with half of the key players being rested ahead of Wednesday night's trip to Moscow. To add to the retro feeling in the build-up to tomorrow, Cardiff City have even released a borderline terrible Cup Final single, which has unexpectedly broken into the top twenty. I mean, "I'm sure we will prevail, give the cup to Steve McPhail". It's small pleasures like this that are, I'm convinced, the key to a long and happy life.

The European Championships - 1988

So, Euro 88. That was the one that the Dutch won at a canter, all crowned by Marco Van Basten's magnificent volley against the USSR in the final, right? Well, yes and no. The Netherlands were, in their pomp, an extraordinary team to watch when in full flow. However, they were beaten by the USSR, flattered by a 3-1 win over England (a match in which England hit the woodwork twice) and required a late winner against Ireland in the group stages, needed two late goals to beat the host nation, West Germany in the semi-final, and might have had a tense end to the final had not Hans Van Breukelen saved a penalty for the USSR in the final.

After their failure to get to the finals, England had made it this time, and the Republic of Ireland were there for the first time. Other than that, it was business as usual, although the holders, France, had carelessly failed to qualify, and Italy were in something of a transitional stage with a team that was expected to peak for the World Cup in 1990. Again, the nations were divided into two groups of four, with West Germany, Italy, Spain and Denmark in Group A, and the Netherlands, England, Ireland and the USSR in Group B. The top two from each group would qualify for the semi-finals. Group A started with a nasty surprise for the Germans when Roberto Mancini gave Italy the lead against them in Dusseldorf, though they recovered quickly to earn a draw. The pre-tournament favourites (who had been the runners-up to Argentina in the World Cup two years previously) then coasted through to the semi-finals with comfortable wins against Spain and Denmark. Italy won their second match against Spain, and also gained a semi-final place with a 2-0 win over Denmark, a result which they didn't even need, with the Germans beating Spain at the same time.

In Group B, one might have expected England to impress. After starting slowly, England had been impressive in the 1986 World Cup, coming within inches of taking Maradona's Argentina to extra-time in the quarter-finals, and had played excellently in their qualifying campaign. Their opening match against Ireland, however was a disaster for them, with Ray Houghton scoring the only goal of the game. Meanwhile, the Dutch were beaten 1-0 by the USSR. England started their second match, against the Dutch, reasonably well, and things were looking bright for them when Bryan Robson cancelled out Marco Van Basten's opening goal. Van Basten hadn't even been expected to start the tournament in the first team, but his two second half goals knocked Bobby Robson's team out with a match to spare. Meanwhile, the Irish held the USSR to a 1-1 draw to leave themselves with an excellent chance of making the semi-finals with one match to play. England's miserable time at the tournament was completed with a 3-1 defeat in their final match against the USSR, but the real tension came in the match between Ireland and the Netherlands. Ireland only needed a draw to get through to the semi-finals, and it looked as if they were going to do it (a header from Paul McGrath which hit the post in the first half could have put things beyond doubt) until eight minutes from time, when Ronald Koeman's mis-hit shot was headed in by Wim Kieft to put the Dutch through.

The semi-finals placed Italy against the USSR and West Germany against the Netherlands. Neither match went to the expected script. In the first match, in Hamburg, the Germans took an early second half lead through a penalty from Lothar Matthaus. The match turned on its head in the final fifteen minutes. First of all, a Ronald Koeman penalty brought the Dutch level, and then, with two minutes left to play, Van Basten was put through and rolled the ball in to put the Dutch through. The next day, the USSR, who had been functionally impressive in their group matches, beat Italy 2-0 with goals from Gennadiy Litvachenko and Oleg Protasov. The final, played at the Olympic Stadium in Munich, proved to be a disappointingly one-sided affair, though the Dutch needed until the second half to take the lead, through Ruud Gullit. It did, however, provide the defining image of the tournament when, with fifteen minutes to play, Van Basten volleyed in an extraordinary shot from an absolutely impossible angle to put the match beyond any doubt. The Dutch may have ridden their luck to get to the final in the first place, but there could be no doubt that they had the players of the tournament in Van Basten and Gullit, and their victory was a victory for the son of Total Football.

Republic of Ireland vs Netherlands



West Germany vs Netherlands

The European Championships - 1984

After a fairly disastrous opening tournament, the European Championships were given a lick of paint for the 1984 finals, with rules being changed to prevent a repeat of the torpid affair that had taken place four years prior. It was still an eight team tournament, but this time there would be no pointless third/fourth place play-off, and the top two from each group would play in semi-final matches. After the infamous World Cup finals match between West Germany and Austria in Gijon, when the two sides walked around for ninety minutes to ensure the 1-0 victory that saw them both through to the next round, the final group matches would be played simultaneously, and seven venues would be used rather than the four used in Italy. This format would remain unchanged until UEFA doubled the number of entrants in 1996.

The tournament would come to be defined by one man and one man alone - Michel Platini, would go on to score an astonishing nine goals in five matches for France. The French started nervously, requiring a late goal from Platini to beat Denmark 1-0 in Paris. From here on, Platinni would make the tournament his own, scoring two successive hat-tricks. The first came in a 5-0 demolition of Belgium. The second, with France already effectively through to the semi-finals, came in the space of eighteen second half minutes against a spirited Yugoslavia. They were joined in the semi-finals by Denmark. The Danes (who had knocked England out in the qualifying stages by beating them 1-0 at Wembley) were coming into their own golden generation of players. They bounced back from their defeat by the French to beat Yugoslavia 5-0 in their second match, setting up a straightforward final match shoot-out against Belgium. With a massively superior goal difference to the Belgians, a draw would see them through, while the Belgians would still qualify if they won. On a dramatic evening in Strasbourg, Belgium went 2-0 up with goals from Ceulemans and Vercauteren, but the Danes clawed their way back to win 3-2.

The other group featured fewer goals, but was just as tense. After West Germany and Portugal had played out a goalless draw in Strasbourg, Spain were surprisingly held by Romania. The Germans then beat Romania, but the draw between Spain and Portugal meant that any of the four teams could still qualify for the semi-finals going into the final round of matches. Both of the eventual semi-finalists would leave it late. Portugal beat Romania 1-0 with a goal from Tamagnini Nene nine minutes from time in Nantes, but the real drama came in Paris. Nene's goal for Portugal left the Germans need to hold on for the final ten minutes or so to qualify, but a winner in the dying seconds from Antonio Maceda sent them home, and sent Spain through to the semi-finals.

Our featured game from this tournament is the first semi-final between France and Portugal - probably the greatest match in the history of the European Championships. I don't recall ever have seen a match in which the atmosphere inside the stadium (in this case, the Stade Velodrome in Marseille) ever leapt out of the television screen and grabbed hold of you the neck in quite the same way. France had been expected to beat Portugal comfortably, and it looked as if this would be what happened when Jean-Francois Domergue put them into an early lead, but after they missed a string of chances, Rui Jordao levelled for Portugal with fifteen minutes to play, and silenced the stadium completely when put them in front, eight minutes into extra-time. The second period of extra-time would permanently change France's perception of its national team. The Portuguese goalkeeper, Bento, had been playing outstandingly, but with six minutes to play, the ball bounced off Platini's shins and into the path of Jean-Francois Domergue, who tied things up at 2-2, and with a minute to play, Jean Tigana carried the ball to the touchline and dragged the ball back for Platini to score the winner.

The other semi-final and the final couldn't live up to the match in Marseille. Spain and Denmark played out a tense 1-1 draw in Lyon, and Spain won 5-4 on penalties, with Preben Elkjær missing the final penalty for the Denmark. The final was played in Paris at Parc Des Princes, and after a quiet first half, turned on its head when Luis Arconada, the Spanish goalkeeper, fumbled a Platini free kick over the line to give the French the lead. With Spain pushing forward in the final seconds of the match, Bruno Bellone broke away and lobbed Arconada to give France a 2-0 victory. You can see the goals from this match here, but it is that semi-final between Portugal and France that lives long in the memory - if any two of this summer's sixteen entrants can play out a match like that, they'll have come up with something really rather special. You can see extended highlights of it on YouTube, in seven parts, here: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six and Part Seven.

The European Championships - 1980

As you may have noticed, we've had a little lick of paint this afternoon ahead of this summer's festivities and, to get you in the mood still further, we'll bringing you a quick round up of the previous European Championship tournaments, along with some brief highlights of some of the great matches from the tournament's history. I'm starting the round-up because this was the first of the proper, eight team tournaments. The competition had actually started in 1960, and was notable for the previous five competitions having been won by five different nations. As well as West Germany and Italy, who might have expected to have won it, it had also provided the USSR, Spain and Czechoslovakia with their only major tournament wins.

By 1980, though, UEFA sought the expand the programme, though the ham-fisted way in which they did it would result in a tournament in which teams were so afraid to lose matches that they didn't even try to play attacking football. The problem was this: the tournament was made up of eight teams, divided into two groups of four. UEFA, however, decided not to bother with semi-finals, with the group winners meeting in the final and the runners-up playing a third and fourth place play-off match. What this meant in practice was that defeat meant almost certain elimination, so most of the teams involved played ultra-defensive formations, leading to a string of terrible games.

Coupled with this, Euro 80 was England's first tournament since the 1970 World Cup, and English hooliganism, which had some sort of point to prove, scented its opportunity. The match Belgium was disrupted by riot police with tear gas - they used it enough of it to leave England's reserve players in tears on the touchline. After the match, there were calls to bring the team home, but there was no need for England to be sent home - they were perfectly capable of doing that of their own accord, drawing against Belgium and losing to the hosts, Italy, before winning Spain in a meaningless final fixture. Belgium won the group on goals scored from Italy, and there was little arguing with it. Italy scored one and conceded no goals in their three matches - a poor return for a host nation.

The other group provided a little more interest, although West Germany were already through to the final by the time they drew their final group match 0-0 against Greece. The group also saw the lowest crowd of a poorly-attended tournament, when just 4,726 hardy souls turned out to see Czechoslovakia beat Greece 3-1 in Rome. The critical results saw West Germany beat Czechoslovakia and the Netherlands in their opening match. This tournament proved to be the last hurrah for the great Dutch team of the 1970s - they failed to reach the finals of another major tournament until the 1988 European Championships in West Germany. The Germans beat them 3-2 in arguably the match of tournament, and you can see highlights of it below here. The final saw West Germany beat Belgium 2-1 in front of just 47,864 people in Rome. Horst Hrubesch scored both of the German goals, with the winner coming just two minutes from time. UEFA would go on to add semi-finals for the next finals in France, four years later.

West Germany vs Netherlands (First Half)


West Germany vs Netherlands (Second Half)

Euro 2008 - The National Anthems!

High on the list of things that are usually part of the tradition of international football tournaments but probably won't be for much longer are the national anthems. For those of us watching at home, the national anthems are one of the great traditions of these tournaments, and are also one of the ways in which we can learn anything from football. If you were to ask 1000 British people to hum the Brazilian national anthem, I would personally guarantee that every single person that could do it at all would be able to do it because of the tune's ubiquity at the World Cup.

At least for those of us watching on the television, the national anthems are on the endangered list. At the last World Cup, ITV frequently disgraced itself by breaking away from the national anthems to show some adverts and, as television heads further and further down the road marked "mindless banality", others will be likely to follow, seeing them as old fashioned and outdated. After all, who wants to listen to a pair of stupid old hymns that no-one knows the words to when you could be listening to three old pros "bantering" in the studio?

So, national anthems are outdated, often unfathomable and mean nothing to anyone that isn't from the countries that they represent. They have, however, become a musical genre of their own. Sometimes hymns, sometimes military marches and sometimes tribal songs, national anthems are as good a starting guide as any to the psyche of a nation. So, here's a full down if which is which (in MIDI form, partly to facilitate quicker downloading and partly, well, because they sound funnier in MIDI form), along with a brief synopsis of how they came about and what the words mean, and some helpful suggestions on how they might be updated.

Austria - "Land Der Berge, Land Am Strome": Literally, "Land Of The Mountains, Land On The River", the Austrian national anthem is sung, perhaps unsurprisingly, to the melody of the last complete of music ever written by Austria's most famous ever son, Mozart. The words (which were adopted in 1946) are fairly innocuous sounding, but it's probably worth remembering that finding 1946 was a, well, "transitional" period for the country.

Could Be Replaced With: "Vienna", by Ultravox.

Croatia - "Lijepa Naša Domovino": You might have expected Croatia (still one of Europe's youngest countries) to have an up to date, zippy national anthem, possibly underscored with blips, bleeps and break-beats. Not Croatia. They chose to stick with the national hymn, that dates back to the middle of the nineteenth century. Curiously, the words came first with "Lijepa Naša Domovino" (translation: "Our Beautiful Homeland") in 1835, with the tune following eleven years later. Even the Communists recognised its importance, making it the Croat national anthem in 1972.

Could Be Replaced With: The theme tune to "The Banana Splits".

Czech Republic - "Kde Domov Můj": Woe betide you if you answer the question that forms the title of the Czech national anthem ("Where Is My Home?") by saying "Czechoslovakia". They haven't been doing that since 1992. They (somewhat boastfully) describe themselves in the words as "Tender souls in agile frames, Of clear mind, vigorous and prospering, and with a strength that frustrates all defiance". The sudden jump in tempo may alarm the uninitiated.

Could Be Replaced With: "I Want Your Czechs".

France - "La Marseillaise": There can only be one winner in this category, can't there? As such, "La Marseillaise" gets a full MP3 outing, rather than a mere feeble MIDI. Whether it's the uplifting opening, sudden pace change in the middle or the crashing fanfares of its closing six bars, this is the water mark by which all the others are judged. Words such as the following: "The braying of these ferocious soldiers? They are coming into our midst To cut the throats of our sons, our wives!", cut to the chase of the French Revolution. Perfect.

Could Be Replaced With: Well, it couldn't really, could it?

Germany - "Das Deutschlandlied": Right. Hands up. How many of you thought that the German national anthem was called "Deutschland Uber Alles"? Thought so. Whilst "Deutchsland Uber Alles" ("Germany above all", with above in the sense of "before" rather than "over" - this is another myth of the much-maligned German anthem) is the first line of the first verse of the song that it is taken from (and was Hitler's choice as the national anthem), only the third and final verse (which makes no reference to being above, before or over anyone or anything) has the country's national anthem since 1952.

Could Be Replaced With: Anything by The Beetles, I would have thought.

Greece - "Hymn To Liberty": Or, as the Greeks would say, "Ὕμνος εἰς τὴν Ἐλευθερίαν". Adopted in 1865 (surprisingly recently, if you think about it), "Hymn To Liberty" is also the official national anthem of Cyprus (although Turkish Cypriots may have a thing or two to say about that), albeit without any words. It has two sets of words, too - one for monotonic orthography (modern Greek, officially simplified in 1982) and one for polytonic orthography (traditional Greek).

Could Be Replaced With: "Whatever Athens", by Michael Jackson. Or anything by Randy Rhodes.

Italy - "Il Canto Degli Italiani": Not as well loved as "La Marseillaise", but still one of the more unique of the national anthems, "Il Canto Degli Italiani" is notable for having a separate verse and chorus, which gives it the feel of being two shorter songs pushed together. First adopted in 1946, the extended version (which is, unsurprisingly, not used publicly) makes fairly unflattering references to Austrians, Poles and Cossacks.

Could Be Replaced With: The music from the start of "The Italian Job". That would be awesome.

Netherlands - "Het Wilhelmus": The Japanese national anthem is the oldest in the world, but until music was added in the nineteenth century, it was just a poem rather than a song. "Het Wilhelmus", however, was written in the 1570s, making it (although it wasn't officially recognised as such until 1932) the oldest national anthem in continuous use in the world. The full length version, which thankfully isn't played before football matches, runs to fifteen stanzas.

Could Be Replaced With: "Strange Brew" by Cream.

Poland - "Mazurek Dąbrowskiego": Also known as "Poland Is Not Yet Lost" (which, I suppose, not unreasonably reflects their Poland's position for most of the twentieth century as one of Europe's worst-treated political footballs), "Mazurek Dąbrowskiego" is a surprisingly sprightly number. The music was also the national anthem of Yugoslavia until Serbia and Montenegro until those two countries went their separate ways in 2006, with neither of them choosing to share Poland's national anthem any longer.

Could Be Replaced With "I Warsaw Her Standing There".

Portugal - "A Portuguesa": Portugal replaced its national anthem when it replaced its constitutional monarchy in 1910. It had started, prior to this, as a revolutionary song in Oporto, in the north of the country. In one verse and one chorus, it makes two references to the sea, and the final line had to be cleaned up, replacing the notion of marching against the British with marching against cannons.

Could Be Replaced With: Something by Weird Algarve Yankovic.

Romania - "Deşteaptă-Te, Române": It may sound like the sort of thing that you'd shout at a Romanian that had fallen asleep on your sofa, but "Awaken, Romania!" is a patriotic song that dates back to the nineteenth century. It has banned by the Ceauscescu regime from 1947 until the early 1970s - a decision that they must have come to regret by 1989, since it was widely sung by the crowds that eventually congregated in Bucharest and, one would imagine, by those that executed them. It was also the national anthem of Moldova from 1991 to 1994.

Could Be Replaced With: "Simply The Bucharest".

Russia - "Hymn Of The Russian Federation": A controversial choice. "Hymn Of The Russian Federation" had been, in a lyrically modified form, the national anthem of the Soviet Union from 1944 until the end of Communism, whereupon it was replaced by "The Patriotic Song" in 1991 (which, ironically, had no words for much of its time as the national anthem, because no-one could agree on what they should be). Vladimir Putin changed it back in 2000 - it's a tune that is eerily familiar to anyone that remembers the Cold War.

Could Be Replaced With: "Russia Hour", by Jane Wiedlin.

Spain - "Marcha Real": One of the few national anthems left to have no official words, in no small part of the Franco legacy. The president of the Spanish Olympic Committee, Alejandro Blanco, thought it would be a great idea to have a national competition to find some words for it and, with the government steering well clear of the issue (to avoid the chagrin of Basque and Catalan nationalists), a competition was launched. The winning selection was widely criticised and, after having been announced at the start of this year, was quietly dropped after five days. So, if you see the Spanish players mouthing words to it before the start of a match, they're making up their own words on the spot.

Could Be Replaced With: "Y Viva Espana", obviously.

Sweden - "Du Gamla, Du Fria": In the sense that it has never been formally "adopted", Sweden is the only country at Euro 2008 to not, in the strictest sense, to have a national anthem (England would have been in the same boat, had they qualified). In 2000, the government considered adopting it officially, but decided, after much deliberation, that such a move would be "unnecessary". How very Swedish.

Could Be Replaced With: "Great Meatballs Of Fire".

Switzerland - "Swiss Psalm": As a multilingual nation, the Swiss national anthem has four sets of words, in German, Italian, French and Romansh (a direct descendant of Latin, now spoken by less that 1% of the Swiss population). Between 1961 and 1981, the Swiss national anthem was called "When You Call My Fatherland", and had the same melody as "God Save The Queen".

Could Be Replaced With: "Berne Baby Berne, Disco Inferno".

Turkey - "Independence March": Written, unsurprisingly, for the formation of the secular Turkish state in 1923, and also the national anthem of (you guessed it) Northern Cyprus. Only two of the ten stanzas are used. It features possibly the most elaborate words of any of the sixteen anthems, the most florid lines being the first couplet of the second stanza: "Frown not coy crescent for I am ready to die for you. Smile upon my heroic race. Why this anger? Why this wrath?". Why, indeed.

Could Be Replaced With: "Istabul, Not Constantinople", by They Might Be Giants.

I think we've all learnt something - now you've got no excuse to not sing along, TV companies permitting.

Falling From Grace

There are few more poignant sights than a prodigious talent that has gone wrong and, for anyone that remembers him in his prime, the descent from grace of Paul Gascoigne has been a long, drawn out affair. Concerns over his substance abuse have long since been replaced over concerns for his overall mental well-being, but the recent life of Paul Gascoigne raises important questions over how football looks after (or rather doesn't look after) its former players. What happens to a man that had spent his whole life dedicated to the game when he can no longer play it? Does football have a moral responsibility to ensure that players have something else to go to when the crowds stop cheering and the stadium empties?

For people of my age, Paul Gascoigne was of the last generation of players that we really looked up to. He is of the last generation of players that was older than I was and, as such, one had expectations of him that one might not have of today's players. His time at Tottenham Hotspur was a period in which a player, in front of our very eyes, began to mature into one of the best midfielders in European football. At the 1990 World Cup, we saw glimpses of both the genius and the impetuousness that would prove to be the blights over his career. The booking against West Germany in the semi-final which provoked the tears that would somehow earn the sympathy of the nation was a case in point. It was a pointless booking for a late tackle in an innocuous area of the pitch. These, however, were the tears only of selfishness - the realisation, too late, as it turned out - that, should England somehow get there, he would miss out on the World Cup final. The incident is as famous for Gary Lineker's reaction, Lineker mouthing, "Is he okay?" to the England bench as the tears roll down Gascoigne's cheeks. In that single, telling image, we can see which one of the two of them will go on to a successful plat-playing career.

The defining moment of his career came less than twelve months later. The 1991 FA Cup Final had been billed as the Paul Gascoigne FA Cup Final. This had started with his magnificent free kick for Spurs against Arsenal in the semi-final at Wembley, but those with a keen eye to his temperament already had cause to be concerned over how he would react to such pressure. The answer to that question came within fifteen minutes of the kick-off. Lucky not to be sent off for a horrendous foul on Forest's Garry Charles just after the start of the match, he seemed to be playing like a man literally possessed, his luck running out with his second tackle on Charles, which ruptured his knee ligaments. This was not the "tragedy" of 1990. Either of his two tackles on Charles could have finished Charles' career, and he was fortunate to not be shown a red card as he left the pitch on a stretcher. The injury, and complications caused by it, were to ensure that he would go on to play less that fifty matches in four seasons for Lazio.

His Indian summer came at Euro 96. It's easy to forget, with the rose-tinted, soft focus legend that has come to surround that tournament, that England hadn't been playing very well. They had been lacklustre in their opening match against Switzerland and, against Scotland, they had been somewhat fortunate to get to half time with the scores goal-less. Although Alan Shearer gave them the lead early in the second half, it remained a nervy, unconvincing performance. When Scotland were awarded a penalty, it looked as if we could be headed for another draw, but David Seaman's elbow saved that particular day and, with Wembley still celebrating that, Gascoigne rolled back the years one final time, turning Colin Hendry inside out before volleying the ball into the net, lifting the gloom that had surrounded England's performances and giving them the impetus to propel themselves to the semi-finals. It was a moment of rare elegance and balance, and it was a moment that was, by that stage in his career, all too rare.

Gascoigne's career had always been blighted by displays of public boorishness, whether this manifested itself through wearing plastic breasts upon England's return after the 1990 World Cup, swearing at a Norwegian television crew or mimicking playing a flute after scoring for Rangers at Celtic Park. Mere raised eyebrows turned to outright disgust after news of the domestic abuse that he meted out towards his then-wife, Sheryl. The press often seemed to be far to tolerant of the worst of his excesses, quite possibly because he always seemed to be more than happy to play up to the image of him that they had created. He was displaying all the signs of alcoholism by the mid-1990s, and one started to wonder what he would do once his legs gave out and he could no longer play. It wouldn't be a career in the media - he was employed as a pundit by ITV during the 2002 World Cup to excruciating effect, his stumbling, monosyllabic performances being an embarrassment to watch. On the pitch, his career had dissolved - going to from Rangers to Middlesbrough, and then on to Burnley, before finishing with five games for Boston United in League Two in 2004.

His managerial career lasted 39 days at Kettering Town, before he was sacked for reportedly being drunk before, during and after Kettering's matches during his time in charge there. The latest stories concerning him only add to the sense of a man descending into madness. The over-riding sense that one gets, when evaluating the life of Paul Gascoigne, is of a man that has lived on the edge and needed people surrounding him that could keep him on the rails. He displays all the traits of an addictive personality, and since he stopped playing, he appears to have be seeking to replicate the surge of adrenaline that he once took for granted on the football pitch through more and more self-destructive methods. In his current condition, a lengthy spell in hospi