Thank You For The Music

It has been a while since we did this, isn't it? Last weekend, though, I took it upon myself to download 800mb of football songs. My life is one constant social merry-go-round, I can tell you. Now, the majority of these songs are terrible, obviously, and they haven't been tagged properly, so it is taking me a while to work my way through them all (in particular the ones that aren't in English, which is all of them) and some of them are vile skinhead songs (you know the sort of thing - punky metal things about how great it is to be a white skinhead who loves fighting), but some of them warrant further inspection. I'm not making any excuses for any of these songs. They're all absolutely appalling. The picture on the left, by the way, appears to be of the Spurs 1972 UEFA Cup winning team.

1. Leeds United Calypso: The Manchester United Calypso has, of course, entered national folklore. That doesn't mean that it was a good idea for Leeds to have a go at it, too. For one thing, the very concept of a calypso being sung in a thick West Riding accent blows my mind. Secondly, there's the small issue of the Zappa-esque shouting of "LEEDS LEEDS LEEDS", out of time with the music, towards the end. Finally, um, there's the massive casual racism of saying that Albert Johanneson, the elegant black South African defender who became the first black player of the modern era when he signed for Leeds in 1965 "could be from Timbuktu" caused my jaw to drop to the floor. Have Leeds United ever done anything that wasn't completely charmless?

2. Blackpool FC: I would have thought that the natural thing for any Blackpool fan wanting to write a song about his team would be to change the words of George Formby's (frankly almost literally) seminal "With My Little Stick Of Blackpool Rock". Not so, apparently. I have no idea where this particular curio comes from. It makes reference to the 1953 FA Cup Final, so it's from since then, but I can't work out quite when. Maybe it was released to coincide with their 1971 Anglo-Italian Cup triumph. Who knows?

3. Manchester City: I'm going out on a limb here and confidently predicting that this was released for the 1981 FA Cup Final (in which, contrary to legend, they pushed Spurs all the way - Tottenham required an own goal to force a replay in the first match and City took them into extra time before Ricardo Villa briefly became the best footballer in the world). It would have been shunted out of the limelight by the all-conquering Chas & Dave, though. This is all guesswork, I would remind you. I know a Manchester City fan, but I haven't seen him for a month.

4. Arsenal: Nick Hornby points out in "Fever Pitch" that part of the appeal of the Arsenal team of the 1960s for him was that they were never as glamorous as other London clubs like Chelsea or even Queens Park Rangers. They're a slick marketing machine now, of course, but such slickness sits uncomfortably at a club that made boring their opposition into submission their raison d'etre, as can be heard from this song, which reads like the transcription of the football commentary of a match from the mid-1990s between Arsenal and Manchester United.

5. Heart of Midlothian: Rather like Blackpool, Hearts fans haven't had a great deal to celebrate over the last twenty years or so (unless we're counting their recent Scottish Cup win against Gretna), and I think it's safe to assume that they didn't release a song to celebrate when they pissed their chips away at Dundee on the last day of the 1985/86 season. The Proclaimers are Hibernian fans, I think (in case you were wondering).

6. Scarborough: Football songs celebrating events have fallen out of fashion of late, but there was a time when footballers didn't need much of an excuse to be tempted into a recording studio. In the case of the late Scarborough (who were celebrating their 1987 Conference championship here), though, it wasn't so much a recording studio as the bedroom of a thirteen year old with a Casio keyboard. I think you can pass this sort of thing as "punk" nowadays.

7. Nottingham Forest: Ah, yes. "We've Got The Whole World In Our Hands". The thing is that, somewhat surprisingly, Forest could stake a claim for this at the time. Think about living in a world in which Nottingham Forest were the European Champions for two years in a row. Just stop and think about it for a moment. And it happened within most of our lifetimes, as well. Anyway, this was released to coincide with Forest's 1979 League Cup Final win. Sadly, it doesn't feature a Brian Clough rap.

8. Rangers: This folky little number, representing the blue half of Glasgow, it actually quite hummable until you get to the chorus. Fortunately, it manages to steer clear of any catholic-baiting and is mercifully free of too much flag-waving. It's called "The Blue Sea Of Ibrox".

9. Celtic: In the interests of balance, I thought that I'd better put this up. It's a tribute to Jimmy Johnstone and, whilst I appreciate that he might have been one of their greatest ever players, but to say that he is a better player than Pele is, I think, rather pushing the envelope.

10. Soccer Superstar: Regular listeners to the Baker & Kelly podcast will already be aware of the existence of this song. I don't think any further comment needs to be passed upon it.

Some of the efforts of our continental brethren will follow at a later date.

Themes Of The Unexpected

It's probably fair to say that I have developed a bit of a "thing" for football on the television. I also think that it's fair to say that quite a lot of you lot have as well. I put a load of links to the TV themes from football shows from over the years up on here last year, and even now a decent amount of the traffic to this place comes from people looking for this, that or the other. I'd never got around, however, to putting it all in one place until now. You can download this 90 megabyte pack via Rapidshare here. It's a .rar file, so use Winrar to unpack it.

The track listing is as follows: ABC Wide World Of Sports (from the USA, no less), BBC Snooker, Grandstand (the original and the more famous updated version), It's A Knockout, Match Of The Day (the original and an updated version), Pot Black, Rugby Special, Ski Sunday, Sport On Two (that's BBC Radio 2, for our confused overseas readers), Sports Report, Sportsview, Sportsnight, Star Soccer, Superstars, The Big Match (versions from 1970, 1974 and 1980), The Match (ITV's live football show from the late 1980s), World Of Sport and World Cup themes from 1966 to 2002 (including the ITV theme from Italia '90, which is making is debut here). I know that they're not all football music, but I figured that I'd just put them in anyway. This week, we'll have be having a look at some video highlights from down the years (BBC, ITV, Sky Sports & World Cups), so tune in for those too.

Finally, here's some Baker & Kelly from the 12th of September 1998. More of that to follow later in the week, too.

Arrivederci

Not a lot to say about this one, really. Suffice to say that we should all be saddened by the death of Luciano Pavarotti yesterday. In a football context, he was recognised as a passionate supporter of the game, having had a brief career as a professional player for Modena in Italy, before switching his career to opera singing. It is, however, for his performance of "Nessun Dorma" that was used by the BBC for the 1990 World Cup that he will be best known.

It's difficult to properly explain the effect that "Nessun Dorma" had on football in 1990. After Heysel, the Bradford Fire and Hillsborough disaster, English football was in a pit of depression by the 1989-90 season. After their disastrous performance at Euro 88, the press were clamouring for Bobby Robson's removal, and a tough group in the World Cup finals (Holland and Ireland were regarded as both potentially sticky wickets for a team short on confidence). As the tournament wore on, though, something changed. An average looking England team fluked their way to the semi-finals, beating Belgium in the last minute of extra-time and Cameroon thanks to two penalties, and put in their best performance against Germany before losing on penalties.

Off the pitch, football, the game of bores, yobs and idiots, was subtly being repackaged as the sporting form of ballet. In truth, Italia 90 was a terrible tournament - the worst since Chile in 1962 - but the strains of Pavarotti singing "Nessun Dorma" played its part in shifting people's perception of the game. This was sport as art, as high culture, and the knock-on effect was to send Pavarotti into the top ten in the UK singles charts. Since then, we have slid slowly back into boorishness but, that summer, "Nessun Dorma" was the brilliantly unexpected soundtrack to long, warm days of unforeseen optimism and hope. Luciano Pavarotti's voice played a crucial role in changing the image of English football for the better, and we should all raise our glasses to the memory of a man that was, ultimately, a football fan, just like you and I.

One more time, here's "Nessun Dorma".

The Sound Of Music

It's been a filthy week, hasn't it? Well, I mean for most of us. It hasn't if you're Croatian, Northern Irish, or some other nationalities, but if you're English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Spanish or French, it has (there are probably others too on either side, but I can't really be bothered to look that closely - this is what happens if you bolt down a pint of Stella in 7 minutes in the pub after work), so I figured that we all needed cheering up. Yes? No? Shut up and get on with it? Okay. Following on the from the relative success of this sort of nonsense during the summer, I promised some more general football music, and here it is. And (AND!), not just football music! General sports things that are sitting around on my hard drive! So, plug in your earphones, pretend to other people that you're doing something very important, and, well, enjoy.

"Grandstand" (The Original): Nowadays, all the talk is of axing "Grandstand". In fact, the decision has probably already been taken to axe it in place of a five-hour long version of "Final Score", but, back in the day, this jaunty little number was Britain's proper introduction to televised sport. Although this will probably surprise some of you, I will am too young to remember this. It sounds like hot chocolate to me. The drink, not the band. For those of you that are concerned with such things, this tune's actual title is "News Scoop".

The 1968 Olympic Games (BBC): Well. Here's something a bit special. This is the BBC's music for the 1968 Olympics - those of you that are paying attention will have already noted that the BBC's music for the 1986 World Cup, "Aztec Lightning", borrows quite heavily from it.

"Grandstand" (The Replacement): I'm doing this from memory, and I've had some booze, so bear with me. As I recall, the BBC commissioned this, the "Grandstand" theme that knows, for the show's 25th anniversary, and it has stuck. If you ask most people what they'll miss about "Grandstand" when they replace it with a "family film" repeats of some sitcom from the 1980s (which they inevitably will), it'll be this piece of music. It was a piece of my childhood, a piece of my adolescence, and it is a piece of my adulthood. Even now, in my 30s, if I'm not up by the time the "Grandstand" theme chimes up, I feel as if I've lost a part of my weekend.

"The Big Match" (LWT -1970): "Match Of The Day", of course, had been introduced to the nation on BBC2 in 1964, but it took ITV's London Weekend Television to accurately reflect the influence of the 1960s on the game, with this "groovy" number, debuted in 1970. "The Big Match" was bigger, bolder and brassier that MOTD. It had guest presenters at Christmas (Elton John did it one year), and it was shown in ITV regions that didn't have the resources to produce their own football show, even though it was largely London-orientated. This version is the full version, and it was written by Graham Walker, who also wrote the enormously famous (and not included here) theme tune to MOTD. Caution: funky middle-eight alert.

Star Soccer (ATV - 1970s?): The bigger ITV regions did produce their own programmes, and "Star Soccer" was ATV's version, produced for the Midlands. It was presented first by the former England captain Billy Wright, and then by Gary Newbon, but was probably best known for the authorative tones of commentator Huw Johns. The 1970s were a big time for football commentator in the Midlands. Derby and Forest won the League. Birmingham City momentarily bloomed. Wolves made the UEFA Cup final. Even Aston Villa eventually won the League (although it was 1981 by then). It all seems like a very long time ago, doesn't it?

"World Of Sport" (ITV): Where ITV excelled in sports broadcasting in the 1970s was in copying the BBC's ideas and doing them better. Whilst the BBC were plodding along with that cuddly old deviant Frank Bough and the Videprinter, ITV had the Humperdinkalike Dickie Davies, the ITV 7 (a special bet devised to tie in with their horse-racing coverage) and the wrestling. It was the groovier, funkier alternative. They even had that "S" in a circle logo. So very 1970s. There was, I think, more outrage when "World Of Sport" was taken off the air in the mid-1980s than there will be when "Grandstand" goes.

"The Big Match" (ITV 1980): There was another "Big Match" theme tune in the mid-1970s, but I can't find an MP3 of it, so we'll have to skip forward to 1980, and this, possibly the most famous "Big Match" theme of all. Curiously, it was composed by Jeff Wayne, who wrote the musical version of "War Of The Worlds". This was also used as the music for the first networked live ITV football (altogether now: Tottenham Hotspur 2 Nottingham Forest 1). It's called "Jubilation", by the way.

"Rugby Special" (BBC2 1970s-1980s): This will, I guarantee, be the first and last time that egg-chasing is mentioned on here, but I was strangely drawn to "Rugby Special" in the early 1980s. I think it was the grounds they played at, which had much more in common with Enfield's Southbury Road than White Hart Lane than Anfield. Unsurprising, really, considering that they were still amateurs at the time. Listening back to it, it's a pretty horrid piece of music. But well, you know, warts and all, and all that.

"Sport On 2" (BBC Radio 2/5): Of course, it's not all TV. The last time I listened to Radio 5 at lunch-time, they were still playing this at a couple of minutes past twelve/one/two. I can't be the only person that used to get vaguely irritated by the fact that they used to talk over it, can I?

"The Big Match" (ITV 1980s): Apologies for the sound quality, but it's the only version I could find. Maybe this is the start of the blandishment of TV sports music. It sounds like it's loosely based on the 1980 vintage, but there's no great excitement here. Just Liverpool, Spurs, Arsenal, Manchester United or Everton LIVE AND EXCLUSIVE on the television on Sunday afternoon yet again.

"Sportsnight": Poignant, really. I was thinking about this the other day. Way back when, England matches were always on Wednesday nights, and never shown live. The evening would be spent in a desperate attempt to avoid the score, so as not to ruin "Sportsnight" at 10.00. This very unique crisis was, of course, captured perfectly in an episode of "Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads", in which Bob & Terry ended up in the last bastion of sanctuary, a church. The football was always on first. I have occasionally wondered how much the viewing figures dropped off when Harry Carpenter uttered the words "...and now, featherweight boxing from Wakefield". Now: can anybody remember what the theme to ITV's equivalent, "Midweek Sports Special" was?

"Superstars": Not really proper sport, of course, but famous now for two things: Kevin Keegan falling off his bike, and Brian Jacks, who became considerably more famous for his appearances on this than he ever did for being the British Judo champion. Included here because, well, it's a fantastic piece of music, isn't it?

And there we are. Now: you've almost forgotten about the fact that none of the home countries are going to qualify for Euro 2008 already, haven't you?

Music To Watch Goals By

Right, well, you asked for it. When I say that, of course, I mean one of you asked for it. This was going to be about Cup Final songs but, to be completely frank, they're exceptionally difficult to find, without shelling out hard-earned money. When I have more time, I will locate "Diamond Lights", "Head Over Heels In Love" (Kevin Keegan's single from the late 1970s) and whatever that dreadul sub-hip-hop dirge was that Andy Cole released a few years back. There will also be (possibly as early as tomorrow) a post on here about football theme tunes on the television. I've just got a few to convert from Realmedia to mp3 and I'll be ready to rock your worlds with that.

If I'm honest, I've done no research into this whatsoever, so whatever I say on this subject is open to rigorous critical analysis. I think we have the England football team to blame for the abominations that we are to hear. I have no idea whose idea "Back Home" was, but it went to number one in the summer of 1970 (a year that was, other than this, possibly music's finest year - at least in the singles charts), and viewers of "Top Of The Pops" were even treated to the sight of the team onstage at the TOTP studio, wearing dinner jackets and bow ties, belting it out. Progress is progress and everything, but I can't help but think that we've lost something over the last few years or so. Of course, it didn't do them any good, as a vomitting Gordon Banks, Alf Ramsey's tactical stupidity (subsituting Bobby Charlton was twenty minutes to go to rest him for the semi-finals) and Peter Bonetti's Teflon-covered jersey did for England's chances.

Things started to get out of hand a couple of years later, when Chelsea released "Blue Is The Colour" for the 1972 League Cup final against Stoke City. This is another jaunty, parpy effort, that was apparently beloved of the era. Inexplicably, it went to number 5 in the charts. How did this happen? Surely only Chelsea fans bought this, and this was in the era when you had to sell over a hundred thousand records in a week to get to number one. Quite asides from that... it wasn't even the FA Cup Final! It was the League Cup! You know: that tournament that Arsene Wenger moans about for having to put out a bunch of 16 year-olds in. Again, it didn't do them any good, as Stoke beat them 2-1. And he royalties from the sales didn't make them rich, either. They elected to build the financially ruinous East Stand (the only bit of Stamford Bridge from the 1970s that remains today, fact fans), were relegated in 1974, and came perilously close to going bust. Always good to remind Chelsea fans of that, by the way.

A couple of months later, Leeds United released... erm... "Leeds United" in time for the Cup Final, but it's the b-side, "Leeds Leeds Leeds" that has become better known, largely because it was adopted as a terrace anthem at Elland Road. If you listen carefully, you can hear the Eddie Waring-esque rasp of the local accent. This time, The Curse was lifted, as Leeds beat Arsenal 1-0 at Wembley, at a time when the national pastime was laughing at them almost-but-not-quite winning major competitions.

I'm not sure where "United United" comes from. All I do know is that it was performed by The Stretford End Boys and that it is funkeh, albeit in a 30 seconds long 70s TV detective show kind of way. United, for the record, probably have the worst record for football songs of all. Yes, even worse than Liverpool. Whilst putting this little compilation together, I was going to put Status Quo's "Come On You Reds", but decided not to, as a moral move on behalf of my bandwidth. Considering some of the other shit on here, that's really saying something.

We can skip forward a few years to the early 1980s now, and this, if I may say, is much more like it. Chas & Dave had, of course, recorded "Glory, Glory Tottenham Hotspur" in for the centenary Cup Final in 1981, but it's "Ossie's Dream" that made it onto here, primarily for Senor Ardiles' own immortal line in the song. Altogether now: "in the cup for Totting-ham". Chas & Dave (from Edmonton, I believe - stone's throw from White Hart Lane) have a long-standing affiliation with Spurs. Ten years later, they were back with "It's Lucky For Spurs When The Year Ends In One", which featured the memorable refrain, "It's lucky for Spurs when the year ends in one, they first won the cup when the century begun". Should Tottenham make the FA Cup Final this year, I will be campaigning for a Chas & Dave Cup Final record.

Finally, a couple more Cup Final songs that are guaranteed to make your ears bleed. First up is "The Boys In Old Brighton Blue", by The 1983 Brighton & Hove FA Cup Final Squad (possibly one of the longest artist names ever to grace the charts). Brighton don't have the same sort of support as Chelsea or Leeds United, so this only made it to number 65 in the Top 100, but it does sound, to me, like the archetypal Cup Final song. Finally... Christ. Look, I know they were being "funny" when they recorded it, but was there really any need for "Anfield Rap"? I mean, honestly. WAS THERE?

Right , and that's that for now. I hope that your ears bleed as much as mine have over the last couple of days or so. And to think... I didn't even upload Slade, performing a toe-curler called "Give Us A Goal"...

Running Out Of Ideas

I probably give too much away on here. Whilst re-reading "Fever Pitch" for approximately the 12,000th time earlier today, I was reminded of a peculiar little tic of mine that manifests itself at football matches. It goes something like this: I have to be in the ground a good five minutes before kick-off. Not particularly to sample the pre-match atmosphere, or even to pick up a quick Bovril before it all kicks off. No. What intrigues me is the song that is played as the teams run out onto the pitch. At some grounds, as we'll see, it's positively inspired, whilst at others... less so. We all know of the ubiquity of "Simply The Best", which was replaced, of course, by "Let Me Entertain You". We also know of the dark humour to be had at some dismal Third Division ground, when a team in the middle of a twenty match run without a goal trot out with the look of lambs to the slaughter to the crackly strains of "We Are The Champions". The songs that teams run out to range from the self-parodic (the last time I went to see Barnet, they emerged from the tunnel to "Tubthumping" - "I get knocked down but I get back up again" - by Chumbawumba), to the downright bizarre (see below). This is something of a top ten, though I note that the internet appears to be sadly bereft of a definitive list, so it has been compiled largely from memory, so I may be wrong on a few details. I'll be happy put it together, when I get the time.

10. Manchester United - "United Calypso": This is probably the only complimentary thing you'll ever hear about Manchester United on here. It's nice to know that, in the age of rampant, shiny, commercialism that is the Glazer-Premiership era, that this almost "Black & White Minstrels"-esque song, with its eulogy to the Busby Babes, survives from a somehow more innocent era. Hmmm. I feel violated now.

9. Everton/Watford - "The Theme To Z Cars": The story goes that in the early 1960s, the cast of "Z Cars" were invited to Goodison Park and this theme tune was played in their honour, and it then stuck, but it's also worth pointing out that, as "Johnny Todd", it's a well-known Liverpool folk song in its own right. Quite how it made the trip south to Hertfordshire I'm not entirely sure, but given that the alternative would probably be "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting", it's probably a good thing.

8. St Albans City - "CC Rider": Down the years, my home-town team have been as guilty as anyone else of belting out "Simply The Best" et al. However, for a brief period in the mid-1990s, it all went a bit odd. Under the tutelage of former player Allan Cockram, they played ludicrous all-out attacking football (96 goals scored and 81 conceded), and the surreality started before kick-off, as the theme music from "2001: A Space Odyssey" segued into Elvis' "CC Rider". Personally, I'd prefer it if they went back to the Louis Armstrong ragtime version of "When The Saints Go Marching In" that they played there for years, but this is the song that I remember.

7. Stoke City - "Delilah": I'm not entirely certain whether they still play this as they come out onto the pitch, but I went to see Stoke a few times while I was University (long story), and they did then. It was a wall of noise, as 10,000 hairy-arsed Midlanders belted it out at a deafening level. Marvellous.

6. Millwall - "Let 'Em Come": Perhaps not in keeping with their (often self-imposed) reputation as the Hard Men of English Football, this knockabout cockney knees-up (complete with reference to "Jellied Eels") is still hugely popular in East London. For the record, London seems to do this nonsense better than anywhere almost else in the country.

5. Brighton & Hove Albion - "Sussex By The Sea": Reportedly the second oldest football song still sung (written in 1907, only "On The Ball, City", from Norwich City, beats for age - and that is only by year), a quick visit to any BHA forum quickly demonstrates how popular it still is. Many of these forums make reference to 30,000 people singing it at The Millenium Stadium during the 2004 play-off final as being a "lump in the throat" moment". Should you be interested, the words are here.

4. Crystal Palace - "Glad All Over": With all due apologies to my fellow Brightonians, but this is great. Considering the genre's inherent catchiness, there's very little 60s pop sung at football grounds ("Twist & Shout" at Coventry City and, of course, "You'll Never Walk Alone" are the only others that spiring readily to mind). Palace, however, cling to this foot-stomper like a security blanket.

3. Wolverhampton Wanderers - "The Liquidator": Without a shadow of doubt the coolest song in this list, Harry J Allstars' ska classic has been played at Molineux since the 1970s. Wolves retired it in the 1990s due to the extent of abuse hurled at West Brom by fans while it was being played, but the strength of protest was such that it has been restored, although it's now played 15 minutes before kick-off, with "Hi-Ho Silver Lining" and "Fanfare For The Common Man" both having taken it's place at various times.

2. Leyton Orient - "Tijuana Taxi": Okay. What are Leyton Orient famous for? They got to the FA Cup semi-final in the 1970s some time, they're owned by Barry Hearn, and above all else, their club song is Herb Alpert's magnificently ridiculous "Tijuana Taxi". It's a beautiful thing. No visit to Brisbane Road can possibly be complete without parping along to this at some point, as it were.

1. West Ham United - "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles": Well, is there any other song that quite so concisely sums it up to support a football team? "Fortune's always hiding, I've looked everywhere". Even at the ripe old age of 33, it brought a lump to my throat to hear 30-odd thousand of them singing it at the end of this year's FA Cup Final, after they'd been cruelly denied a famous win by Liverpool. "You'll Never Walk Alone"? Nah. This is what it's all about.

Can I Kick It?

Anybody reading this that knows me will be fully aware that I have a bit of a "thing" for television theme tunes. A quick check in my folder shows that I am currently the proud owner of 250 of the buggers. Quite how this came about, I'm not entirely certain, though I know that there were more repeats on in the olden days than there are now. Anyhow, TV World Cup music as become one of my specialities. So... I've uploaded all of the World Cup Music that I could find. I didn't bother looking for ITV's efforts after 1986, "Nessun Dorma" blew ITV so far out of the water, so far as I'm concerned, that they have largely been in irrelevance - to be watched only when necessity dictates it. Anyway - here we go. Right-click and save as, should you wish to keep them on your hard drive for future reference.

1966 (ITV) - "On The Ball":Fanfares were very much the order of the day in the sixties and seventies. I don't know much else about this, I'm afraid, apart from, of course that "On The Ball" the show became LWT's long-running Saturday lunchtime ITV football preview show.

1970 (BBC) - "Mexico Grande": As heard on the mp3 linked in the thread prior to this one, this is (it says here) The Syd Lawrence Orchestra (easy listening specialists of the sixties and seventies) with a jaunty little number that was apparently released at the time as a single on Fontana records. I wonder how many people purchased it?

1974 (ITV) - "Lap Of Honour": Performed by The London Stadium Orchestra. Never heard of them. This marvellous piece of music survived as a sports theme tune on the radio until well into the 1990s.

1978 (BBC) - "Argentine Melody": Ah, the cickety-clack of maracas as the BBC take us into the 1978 World Cup with what presumably passed for "ethnic" music. I always thought maracas were Spanish, but never mind. This, of course, was the soundtrack to the most famous of Scotland's first round exits.

1978 (ITV) - "Action Argentina": Strangely, ITV plumped for something that sounded more suitable for a "Bank Holiday Sports Special" in 1978. As they were wont to, this was was an updated version of the 1974 theme, this time crossed with the "World Of Sport" theme, and resplendent with half a second of wacky wah-wah gutar in the middle. Nice.

1982 (BBC) - "Jellicle Ball": This holds a special place in my heart, as it's the first World Cup that I really remember. "Jellicle Ball" is from "Cats", by Andrew Lloyd-Webber. A somewhat peculiar choice for Spain 82, but it seems to work pretty well. Apologies for the sound quality, but even this was an absolute bugger to get hold of.

1982 (ITV) - "Matador": Written to order for ITV by Jeff "War Of The Worlds" Lynn, who also wrote the music for "The Big Match and the TV-AM theme music. It's pretty bland, but at least it sounds authentically Spanish. Well, it has Spanish guitar in it.

1986 (BBC) - "Aztec Lightning": We're heading towards the digital age, with this effort by, ummm, "Heads". This was based, somewhat curiously, on the BBC's theme music for the 1968 Olympics, rather than the 1970 World Cup. TV coverage of this World Cup was obviously severely disrupted by the earthquake that preceded the tournament.

1986 (ITV) - "Aztec Gold": Yet another piece of synthesized blandity, this time performed by "Silsoe". Reached number 48 in the charts. I don't have to ask who bought it this time, because I know fully well that I did - in fact, I still own it. ITV continued to use this until into the 1990s for their football coverage.

1990 (BBC) - "Nessun Dorma": Now we're talking. Luciano Pavarotti sums up the optimism that mysteriously coated the country during the summer of 1990. It's easy to forget how revolutionary this sounded at the time, and the bitterweet sound of it ended up as a perfect backing track to England's run to the semi-finals.

1994 (BBC) - "America": Predictable, I guess, but surprisingly effective from the BBC. The BBC's domination of the World Cup on British screens continued, but neither company covered themselves in glory, as documented here.

1998 (BBC) "Pavane": Staying on a cultural theme, the BBC chose and adaptation of Gabriel Faure's mournful "Pavane", which, considering the sending off of David Beckham and subsequent falure on penalties against Argentina, seemed rather apt. Again, apologies for sound quality.

2002 (BBC) "Tarantula": Gah! My ears! The BBC had clearly decided to go hip and young, here, bringing in Faithless to do their theme music for the four-week sojourn in Japan and South Korea, and the result was... a bland, yet strangely incomprehensible piece of dance trash. Hopefully, the editor that commissioned this was put out to pasture soon afterwards. They left the worst til last, there.

For Germany 2006, the BBC have commissioned Carl Davis to apapt Handel's "See The Conquering Hero Comes". I like it - it's appropriately grandiose, and has the bombast that the World Cup deserves. ITV, for the record, have got Kasabian doing a version of David Bowie's "Heroes". Yet again with ITV, words fail me.